Everyone please welcome Evan Neilson to Continued Conversations! Evan is my very first male guest on this series!!! Evan and I were connected through his sister, Megan Neilson (who I’ve known for many years now), and I’m so grateful he was open to chatting body image in the arts with me! Evan comes from the high school and college theatre world, as do I, and he is now an educator with special ed students and still works within the arts and performs today. Our self-image stories of growing up as young kids and coming into adulthood were oddly aligned, so it was truly a joy to dive into this topic with Evan.

In our conversation, we discuss…

• Being the token “non-thin” (or, as we said in the nineties, “husky”) role both onstage and in real life in high school

• The intersection of thin bodies being cast in leading roles and Evan’s journey with that very experience both in his acting and in his real life - and flipping that on me, where I share my story with this exact experience as well

• The dieting industry and the explosion of social media impacting our self-image as young people

• The freshman 15, a negative/toxic “grindset” in college, and the competition amongst male friend groups when it comes to fitness

• The college environment driving Evan to adopt disordered eating habits

• The lack of education on how to best fuel our bodies: “All food is better than no food”

• Moving out of the all-or-nothing mindset when it comes to food and exercise

• Rewiring our brains to be kinder to ourselves and our bodies

• Leading from a place of grace and care and joy - and most importantly, by example of being true and genuine to yourself

• Supporting kids (and all people) operating at medium capacity instead of 100% evry single day

• The harmful impacts of “looksmaxxing” on men in our current society

Evan is a joy of a gentleman, and I have been thinking about this conversation ever since we recorded. There are so many important points we touched on here. We opened the book and talked through a lot of poignant themes within body image specifically when it comes to the male experience, and I cannot wait for you to hear our very important conversation!

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Below is a text insert of our conversation that stuck with me, starting at around the 30-minute and 55-second mark:

Evan Neilson: I don’t know who said it or where I heard it from, but it’s been in my brain more recently is those moments where either you say something unkind to yourself, or you think, “Oh, maybe I don’t need this,” or, “Yeah, maybe I want this, but I’m not gonna get it.” Everyone in the arts community, especially, we all want to put good out there into the world and be good people to be around. You are also a person, you know? You are also a person to be nice to, and so, you being nice to yourself will have as much, if not more, of an impact compared to you being nice to another. And so, that goes beyond just body stuff, but just, you know, doing things that you like, doing stuff that brings yourself joy.

Going back to hustle culture, you know, I’m on spring break, and I’m like, I just feel so – what am I – what can I be doing right now? I’m wasting this time. And then it’s like, oh, there are actually many things I enjoy doing that are just as helpful for me in the long term and in the short term than me doing something that feels more productive or important, what have you. Yeah.

Megan Gill: Yeah, it’s rewiring our brains.

Evan Neilson: Kind of. Kind of, yeah. And it just takes time. It really does take a lot of time. And thinking back to – I’m not in therapy currently, but I did a little bit of therapy after getting outta school. Not to focus on the body stuff, because I had therapy for a couple of years during school. It was more focused on my anxiety. My anxiety got really bad right after finishing school. And I actually learned that’s kind of a common thing is right after you graduate college, your worries become less about your grades – your worries about your grades go away, and then it becomes, “I think I’m gonna get murdered,” you know? That’s what it turned into for me, for whatever reason.

And so, I was going and seeing a therapist for that, and once we kind of started to finish up, you know, for whatever reason, a few months in, he was like, “It’s interesting.” Even at that point, he was like, “You’ll say, ‘I struggle with my body,’ but that’s good. I’m done with that now.’” I still, at that point, was kind of pushing it away like, you know, a box that you don’t wanna unpack, you know, in the basement or whatever. I was still kind of treating it that way.

But now, with just some more distance and looking back on it, and then yeah, thinking about it in the sense of I treated myself that way, in the same way you think about if I treated another person that way. It’s like, have grace for yourself and patience, but also like, yeah, it’s fucked up I did that.

So I’m at that point now where more stuff is maybe – with some more distance, I can kind of process and intellectualize things a little bit more. Again, not always the best thing to do, to intellectualize your feelings and your body and stuff, but I feel like I’m at a point now where I think just the more and more experience I have in working with students that, you know, frankly, have way more difficult and complicated lives than I had as a child. Those things that you say to them or things that you want them to understand or process, they start to make their way back to you, eventually, as the teacher.

And so, yeah, now I think working in special ed where some students may have learning disabilities, some students come from an emotionally difficult home, so they struggle to regulate their emotions in the school environment and stuff. Again, going back to internalizing a bunch of stuff you saw as a kid, you know, I’m trying to put messages out there, and the other people I work with are trying to put messages out there to kids. And some of that stuff does start to, you know, work back to you.

Like, for example, I have a colleague who’s just awesome, an xperienced special ed teacher. She’s firm in expectations, but also is just the most gentle person. She started throwing out there at least medium effort as an expectation, where, yeah, we’ve been told that we need to do as much as we possibly can at every second, operate on 100%, you know, capacity. But it’s like, not every day is gonna be that. I feel like I’ve said that to – I’ve said, “Not every day is gonna be an 100% day,” to kids, a lot. But then when you start to take in what it means yourself, as a, you know – I mean, I’m almost 26, so again, I am an adult. I’m almost there. In a few years, I’ll be there. Yeah, if you’re operating at 50% capacity, that’s okay.

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Evan Neilson: Especially if you already worked the previous day or, you know, have other stuff going on. Not every day is gonna be your, your rockstar day, and that’s fine. Fill that space with, you know, the more joyful things you want to do and that kind of stuff.

Megan Gill: Yeah, because joy is so important, for sure. And also, we have to give ourselves grace. We have to give our bodies grace. We have to give our minds grace. And I think that that’s so, so wonderful that you and your colleague are putting that information out there, especially planting it in young people’s minds. I’m curious to know if there’s anything else that – everything that you had gone through in terms of your upbringing and your relationship to your physical body, if there’s anything else like that that you are doing with your students or things that are a part of your story that you’re trying to almost give back to the young people you’re working with today, in a sense.

Evan Neilson: Yeah, I mean, like anybody who became a teacher, you have the teachers you think back on. It’s like, okay, I really would like to emulate what those guys were doing for me and my peers. And going along with that, you have the bad ones. And it’s like, okay, I definitely do not want to emulate that person. So that’s a thing for me, for sure. I think for, I mean, now obviously all young people need a boost, need our help, need everything we can give them. But young men, you know, these guys aren’t gonna see as many male teachers coming up through high school and stuff, just given the political state of things and how easy all these guys can get ensnared into this stuff, you know, and just try to show – well, unfortunately, I’m not really allowed to make, you know, soapbox political stuff in the classroom, even though, you know, I may like to.

I’m trying to show a more realistic – I don’t know if realistic is the right word, but, you know, not traditionally masculine in the classic Hollywood sense. But, so just being someone who, you know, is willing to look silly. That’s a big part of being a teacher. You know, showing them that you can make a fool of yourself. I’m pretty open with the passions I’m into, so there is a student who is very much hyper-fixating on Hamilton right now. And so, for me, I’ve moved on, but at that time, for me, it was very intense. Ask anybody I know. The Hamilton era for me was extremely intense. So given that, you know, I’m like, oh yeah, I know everything you’re talking about, this girl who’s kind of just getting into it. Then yeah, trying to just keep a cool head in situations. You know, just these young men that just get so angry, that are angry at themselves, angry at, you know, authority figures in their lives, angry at politicians or whoever else, just trying to show them to accept things and, of course, be be kind and loving to the women in their lives as well.

I mean, going back to this line of gender, really just not how I’ll talk to a female student or a male student. I’m the same calm person, and for these kids of the school that I’m at, you know, these are kids that struggle to get to school, many of them. And so, I’m gonna do everything I can to get them to want to come back. So, you know, be someone who is – you know, I think back. I had a couple, like – yeah, sometimes elementary school teachers, they get weirdly comfortable, and they’ll make a weird comment about your belly or something. Like, those are things that stuck with me, you know?

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Evan Neilson: I was getting in a costume for, it was a musical or a school play or something. And my belly got poked, and she was like, “Just watch that, there.” There was a poke. I’m certain there was a poke. So I mean, yeah, no it’s crazy.

Megan Gill: An educator.

Evan Neilson: Yeah. It wasn’t my teacher, but it was someone who was helping with the school play, or something like that.

Megan Gill: Still!

Evan Neilson: They were like, “We want to make sure this costume stays on you, buddy.” You know, that kind of thing. And so, I’m probably overly cautious to a lot of these issues, but it’s better than the alternative, you know?

Megan Gill: Absolutely. I think we need some more of that, you know?

Evan Neilson: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Just drawing those clear boundaries, you know, and yeah, just showing kids what the right things are to say, and the right ways to respond in situations and what the clearly wrong ways are. And yeah, so just doing what I can to – you know, I mean, it’s tough for these young guys, you know, in this very – going back to, I mean, this is a whole can of worms, but right-wing politics and body standards, there’s some synergy there.

Megan Gill: Yep. There sure is.

Evan Neilson: So, trying to communicate all of that with my eyes and not being able to say it, you know, as much as possible.

Megan Gill: You’re like, “I am transmuting messages to you right now, from my brain to your brain!”

Evan Neilson: I really try to. I really try to.

Megan Gill: Yeah. That’s gotta be tough, though, to not be able to maybe, as an educator, educate on things that are so important to us, you know? Because it’s not the place in a school. That’s tough. It’s gotta be tough.

Evan Neilson: Yeah. Yeah. It’s a tough time right now for educators. Yeah, I mean, for me, you know, I think, yeah, you really can just try and embody your political views and how you see the world just by the way you act, right? So yeah, I don’t know. I’m in a school where we’re really just happy that they’re there, and we’re so thrilled and happy to get them to the finish line of graduation that I couldn’t see how anybody who, you know – I couldn’t see anybody who is okay with everything going on in this school environment that is all about, you know, picking these kids up that really need it, really need it, and don’t have the support at home. And somehow, SNAP benefits and free school lunch, that became a talking point within the last few months. And all these, all these kids get that. And just being sure to not make different obstacles that students go through, not trying to, you know, have those things be the kids’ defining features. And yeah, just being that kind, calm person every day. That’s always kind of the goal. And yeah, specifically thinking about body image and all that. At this point, I’m feeling very body neutral, body neutral-positive right now. So I’m just trying to communicate that with my eyes, as I said.

Evan is a special education teacher and lover of many things- movies, theatre, music, dogs, basketball, running, biking… OH, and ice cream! Outside of the classroom, one could often find him at the movie theater if he’s not busy coaching speech team or working on a stage production.

Evan doesn’t post much on socials but feel free to give him a follow on Twitter @hellomrevan (he will never call it X) or on Letterboxd @evan_neil.

If you want to be a part of the conversation… either reach out to me via email at themegangill@gmail.com to schedule a conversation or fill out this form to share your body image story anonymously.

A couple of notes to ensure this is a safe space for my guests to share their intimate and vulnerable body image stories in:

• These conversations are quite nuanced, complex, and oftentimes very vulnerable. Remember that everyone has their own body image story, and while someone else’s might look differently than yours, I encourage you to keep an open mind and stay empathetic.

• That being said, I welcome your support of my guests in the comments. Please be kind and considerate with your words.

• Thank you for being here. By sharing this type of content, my hope is to inspire collective reflection and cultural questioning. Thank you for supporting me in exploring the effects of our society’s beauty norms and body standards on human beings existing in today’s world.

Leave a comment

Do you have a friend, family member, or peer who might be interested in being a part of the conversation? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about Continued Conversations!

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your health providers.

On Monday, May 25th, I took my sign down to Fiesta Hermosa to remind us all, if you look hard enough, there is at least one thing we can appreciate about our bodies.

I wasn’t sure if I’d end up making it down to Fiesta Hermosa with my sign. But as the weekend unfolded, I was inspired to take it down on Monday afternoon. I chose a cute, on-brand outfit, put on some sunscreen, grabbed my sign, packed my bag, and left to walk down to the pier. It’s about two miles all in to get down there, and the sun was shining. It was a beautiful day for a walk.

On my walk down towards the beach, a gentleman in passing asked what my sign said. I showed him, and he said his mind. Then, at the next stoplight he asked why I had the sign and what I was doing. He told me we need more of this, then asked what mine was. I told him it was my big heart.

I took the strand from 190th all the way down to the pier. When I arrived, I assessed the best spot to post up and settled on the crosswalk at Pier Ave. & Hermosa Ave. I’d stood here before, but it was different this time because the streets were closed off to the vendors of the festival.

A girl hopped over to me and said her smile.

Share about the first man to approach me.

Share about the first woman to approach me.

Talk about a rundown of how the day went overall.

I took some time after my time on the street to reflect after the experience and wrote down those that I remembered most:

“What’s Your Favorite Thing About Your Body?”

LOCATION: Fiesta Hermosa, Hermosa Beach, CA

DATE: Monday, May 25th, 2026

TIME: 1:30-4:30pm

Answers I heard:

• My eyes

• My ears

• Everything!

• My boobs

• My smile

• My height

• My heart

• My mind

• My hair

• My energy

• My shoulders

• My freckles

• My red hair

• My biceps

• My feet

• My calves

• My nose

• My face

• My curves

The theme that stuck out to me the most:

• A lot of people said their eyes

• My long limbs

First-Time Responses:

• My forearms

• My hip dips

• Two younger kids stopped over. One said his elbow dexterity, and the other said the way his knee was formed.

Powerful responses that stood out:

• One woman shared her legs are both her least afvorite and most favorite thing.

• A gentleman told me his was his kidney, because he’d lost one to a rupture while he was playing sports in high school and shared

Stand out words of encouragement:

• “Keep up the good work”

• “Oh, cute!”

My chosen place to reflect: I chose to go get food with some friends that I ran into. It had been a bit of a weekend, and I needed to be around people. I took a few notes during my time out on the street and reflected the following evening.

My favorite thing about my body that day was my big heart. I’m so thankful that I care as much as I do - about myself, about others, about my work. My ability to hold love for as much as I do never ceases to amaze me.

As always, keep your eyes peeled for more of this!!!

And, per usual, I’ll leave you with: What’s your favorite thing about your body?

❤️‍🔥Megan

If you want to be a part of the conversation… either reach out to me via email at themegangill@gmail.com to schedule a conversation or fill out this form to share your body image story anonymously.

Do you have a friend, family member, or peer who might want to be part of the conversation? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about Continued Conversations

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your healthcare providers.

Everyone please welcome Mallory Gonyea to Continued Conversations! Mallory and I met through The Spark Membership (shoutout Amy McNabb for bringing us together!), and I’m so grateful she was willing to sit down with me for a body image conversation.

In our conversation, we discuss…

• Existing at the intersection of being an artist and an athlete

• Rebuilding trust with your body after an injury

• How to manage when our work/sport is so closely tied to our identity, and the ability to execute our work/sport is stripped from us

• Mallory’s journey growing up a tomboy and connecting to her femininity and working to appreciate her body

• Because of today’s beauty standards (especially in Hollywood), Mallory grappling with the feeling like she has to choose between her career and a healthy body

• Working out and lifting weights for bodily longevity and strength as we age

• The implications of weight loss drugs on our whole system

• Representing your body type in this art form in hopes of showing a young person out there that their body, too, is good

• Mallory’s thoughts on how current female superhero roles are cast

• Taking up space as women, in our lives and in our art

• Helping other women see that strong is beautiful

Mallory is a Nashville-based actress who recently started her own production company. She also used to be a semi-pro soccer player, so her understanding of her body and self-image runs deep. Mallory dropped so many incredible tidbits in our chat - I was blown away by her knowledge of the body, and I cannot wait for you to hear our conversation!

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Below is a text insert of our conversation that stuck with me, starting at around the 4-minute and 32-second mark:

Megan Gill: To call yourself an athlete, and then to have your body betray you in this way, and have something completely, like you said, out of your control happen to your body and then have to have to grapple with that is, I can only imagine….

Mallory Gonyea: Like I said, it’s something that you build your identity on, right? And it’s like, I know this about myself. I know I am strong. So when you are no longer strong, when you’re stripped of that, you’re like, okay, this thing that I found value in the thing that I found my worth in is gone. You’re like, well, how do I – where’s my value? Where’s my worth, then?

I came out of the womb an athlete, very strong. If you look at my baby pictures, I had muscle definition, right? And being a woman, back when we were – I was born in ‘97, so grew up in the 2000s, right, where skinny was seen as beautiful. And it was the time where it was like, what do they call it, “heroin chic” was the in thing, right? And so, I was growing up where I’m just naturally strong, naturally a muscular woman. And I had to do a lot of learning on how to find that beautiful. And so, when that gets taken away, you’re like, well, what am I now, right?

So that’s kind of been just a whole journey for me, like my whole life growing up, of grappling with finding my identity and being strong, but also still not that being the accepted thing. And so, when that is taken from you, when that is your crutch of like, well, I’m gonna lean into being a strong woman, an athletic woman, and then that’s stripped away as well, it’s just huge mind – you know?

Megan Gill: Oh my gosh, yes. It’s like not only have you – and I don’t mean to speak for you, but I’m curious about all of the work you did with yourself mentally to accept your physical body, your athletic body as an athlete, and then to have put in all of the work to get to a place with that. But to have done all of the mental gymnastics, to get to this place of like, ah, okay, this is my body, and I am an athlete and I can play this incredible sport with my body. And then to have it, like you said, stripped away and then to have to like do mental gymnastics times two. What was that journey like for you coming out of that?

Mallory Gonyea: Well, yeah, to be completely vulnerable and honest with you, I was never like this girly girl, or this, you know, little princess, and I found my identity and my worth in what my body could do, not necessarily what it looked like. So I really leaned into the tomboy-ness of it and the, well, I don’t have to look pretty if I’m a strong athlete, right?

I don’t have to try to be feminine. I can just be me, and it can be focused on what I’m good at.

All my teammates growing up, they loved going shopping for makeup and they loved doing all these girly things, and I just never identified with that, or I don’t think I ever felt safe to. I didn’t feel comfortable in my femininity. And honestly, I’m still on this journey. I’m still learning how to love this body that I’m in. It’s been a whole journey of never quite feeling like I fit anywhere. But if I can be really good at something and if I have something to bring to the table, well, then that’s fine. It doesn’t matter how I look.

But then when you pivot into the acting industry, when you find out that that’s completely different, that the whole industry is based off of looks right, and you grow up and you see all these movies that are about athletes. Well, if you look at the ones that are about male athletes, they’re ripped. They’re very strong. They’re shredded. You look at these female athletes, they don’t match what I’m seeing in the real world, right? I always was between a size two and a six, and I still felt too big to play an athlete on screen. I didn’t see myself represented in the women who were playing athletes on screen. And I think we’ve gotten better, but we’re still a long ways away from that, right? It’s like, “Oh, well she shouldn’t be too muscular because we don’t want her to be too bulky.” Where it’s like you look at any of the women athletes in the world, they have muscle. They have to have muscle to be doing the things that they’re doing. And for some reason, Hollywood has equated thinness with being athletic, and that’s just not true.

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Mallory Gonyea: And so, I have found myself in a battle recently of like, okay, I’m no longer a competitive athlete, but I’m still an athlete, and I’m still constantly – even at my fittest, when I was a size two or four and really lean, I still felt like I needed to lose ten pounds. Like, “If I lose ten pounds, this will help me get cast,” or, you know, I see all these young, pretty, thin girls are the ones that are getting cast. And it’s like how am I super fit and super, you know, proud of my athleticness, but also wanting to not be that way.

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Mallory Gonyea: So it’s a constant battle of how do I stop myself from feeling like I need to be something other than myself.

Megan Gill: Right. Gosh, because as actors, it’s so important, in my opinion, to bring ourselves to the work that we do obvi – whether you are producing, directing, acting (especially when you’re acting) because that character that’s being brought to life through you is only the way that they are because it’s you, because you are the one playing the role. And that’s the beauty of humanity. That’s the beauty of being able to act and why everybody brings something different to like the same role or the same character.

Mallory Gonyea: Absolutely.

Megan Gill: And if we are so disconnected from ourselves in that sense and just trying to fight who we naturally are, it’s so not beneficial.

Mallory Gonyea: I would have to quite literally be malnourished to ever get to some of these sizes that we have glorified as a society, right? And I don’t want to do that. Me, personally, my grandmother, at the end of her life, she was bedridden because she did not take care of herself physically. She didn’t lift weights. She had had a stroke, and she didn’t do the rehab and the physical therapy that she needed. And I’ve seen that, and I can’t unsee that. And that’s what’s so concerning to me about this emphasis on becoming smaller as women, not just to take up less space, but it’s like we need muscle.

When we’re in our thirties, we start losing muscle and collagen and all these other things that are so important, so quickly. And if we are not strength training, if we are not trying to be strong, we are gonna lose independence. I’ve seen it happen, and it takes off years of your life. And so, I’m always having to grapple with, do I have to choose between my career a healthy body. And it’s like I don’t want to do that, right? It’s like how do we find space for both? And I do think that we are getting better. We’re starting to see more stories of women of all shapes and sizes, and we’re starting to see stories of actual athletic women, which is great, but it is concerning that we still always somehow circle back to thinness and smallness.

Megan Gill: Yeah, I could not agree more with all of that. And, my god, just thank you for sharing that about your grandmother as well, because I know that that’s a really hard truth to reckon with, and to watch somebody that you love and you’re close to and is a part of your family, go through that and to have the rude awakening of like, I don’t want that for myself and the people that I love, and it starts now, it starts when we’re young – yeah, yeah. There’s a lot in that.

And I can also very much relate to that for myself. I move my body now because it feels good to do that. It helps me mentally. But also because I don’t want to be in my sixties and seventies and fall and hurt myself, you know?

Mallory Gonyea: Right. Yeah, a lot of older people, they end up with broken hips because they don’t have that muscle, or they fall and they can’t get themselves up. A squat, right? That is that movement of sitting down and getting up, you know? Or, god forbid, having grandkids one day and not being able to pick them up. People don’t realize that is not just for aesthetics, right?

Megan Gill: Right.

Mallory Gonyea: It’s for being able to do the everyday things that you want to be able to do into, hopefully, your seventies and your eighties. I mean, I still want to be moving in my nineties, maybe resting a little bit more, but still wanting to be able to move, not needing to ask for help to go to the bathroom. It’s the simple things, right?

Megan Gill: It’s so true. It’s like we are taught to work out to look smaller, to look thin, when in reality, we should be taught to work out for mobility purposes, for longevity, for our general health and wellness and strength. And I think that a lot of what I’ve been doing recently is literally rewiring my brain in terms of that because we were just so inundated and conditioned, especially in the heroin chic era. And I grew up in the nineties and two thousands as well, and just all of the messages we’ve received as small children, and just it takes so much to undo that.

And it is really sad to see, like what you were saying, how now Hollywood, as an industry, is very small, and a lot of the women are just shrinking before our eyes. I feel like this is just a known fact at this point, unfortunately, and it just hard to see because it’s like, god, we went through – okay, the millennials and gen Z people went through this. We went through the ringer. And I would hope that like the kids growing up today would have more of a different experience. And I do think in some ways, like you were saying, they’ll have a different experience than we did in some positive ways. But at the same time, it’s like, god, now they’re watching the Oscars and seeing all these teeny, tiny actresses. We are – we’re somehow all the way back at square one. And then I’m just like fearing for the people growing up now and fearing that they’re gonna be in their twenties and thirties having to decondition themselves of all of the shit that we have to decondition ourselves of too you know? And it’s just really hard to sit with that. It’s really heartbreaking.

Mallory Gonyea: You’re like, “Oh, do I need to also opt into that in order to be cast? Is that now the new standard?” And I’m like, I don’t want any part of that. Because what they don’t tell you about the drugs that everybody are taking to get that thin is that it’s not stripping you of fat, it’s stripping you of – I mean, yes it is stripping you of fat, but it’s stripping you of muscle as well. And we need muscle to function and to live. And I do believe that there is a place for those medications in a medical setting because they were designed for that. But when they become commercial and public use to – what’s the word I’m looking for – to promote and advertise thinness, it’s scary and yeah. I’m like, okay, what are we doing here? You know, even sitting in that two-to-six range. And I go back to growing up, they told Kate Winslet – stunning, beautiful, never fat – that she was fat. And I’m like what are we doing here? It’s just – yeah, it’s very concerning.

Mallory Gonyea is an award winning actress, writer, and producer based out of Nashville, Tennessee. As a former semi-pro athlete, she has built a career centered around strong, complex female characters, bringing a unique blend of physicality, emotional depth, and authenticity to her work. She is also the founder of Eden Pictures, and independent production company focused on creating bold, female centered stories. Outside of filmmaking, Mallory embraces loving her body by training in CrossFit and Boxing and is passionate about encouraging women to embrace strength, confidence, and overall wellness.

Follow Mallory on Instagram

Check out Mallory’s IMDb

Read Mallory’s Bold Journey Article

If you want to be a part of the conversation… either reach out to me via email at themegangill@gmail.com to schedule a conversation or fill out this form to share your body image story anonymously.

A couple of notes to ensure this is a safe space for my guests to share their intimate and vulnerable body image stories in:

• These conversations are quite nuanced, complex, and oftentimes very vulnerable. Remember that everyone has their own body image story, and while someone else’s might look differently than yours, I encourage you to keep an open mind and stay empathetic.

• That being said, I welcome your support of my guests in the comments. Please be kind and considerate with your words.

• Thank you for being here. By sharing this type of content, my hope is to inspire collective reflection and cultural questioning. Thank you for supporting me in exploring the effects of our society’s beauty norms and body standards on human beings existing in today’s world.

Leave a comment

Do you have a friend, family member, or peer who might be interested in being a part of the conversation? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about Continued Conversations!

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your health providers.

My friend and teacher at YogaSix Redondo Beach (my home studio) asked if I’d be interested in taking my sign to their sister location for a pop-up. I was SO EXCITED. We were in talks of planning a day for me to pop-up at my home studio, but the chance to take my message into Rolling Hills first, a studio I have yet to step foot into, was so exciting for me.

I drove 20 minutes to Y6 RH, and I walked in to set up. Annie, the wonderful human working the front desk, helped me get set up.

Just as I put the finishing touches on getting my table all set, people started trickling in.

I had taken my sign to the streets multiple times before, but a pop-up? With a table? This was new for me. Erika, my roommate, asked me the evening prior if I was nervous at all, and I said that I was more excited than anything - which tells me I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

This was so different from any other sign days because I was inside a yoga studio and there were only a select few people that were in each class. Everyone was so generous with their shares, and I am so grateful to all who answered my question. It was fun having downtime between classes to reflect and chat with Annie, the girliepop working the front desk. My good friend Megan even stopped by for a visit! They both shared their favorite things about their bodies for social media too - so keep an eye out for those ◡̈

I took some time after my time at the yoga studio to reflect on the experience and wrote down those that I remembered most:

“What’s Your Favorite Thing About Your Body?”

LOCATION: YogaSix Rolling Hills

DATE: Friday, May 15th, 2026

TIME: 8:45am-1:45pm

Answers I heard:

• My eyes

• My heart

• My brain

• My smile

• My legs

• My height

• My cheeks/face

• My mole

• My biceps

• My strength to power me through class

• “I paid good money for my boobs. But I also love my butt, and my body birthed my children.”

• “My brain - it’s the one thing I can’t look in the mirror and criticize.”

The theme that stuck out to me the most:

• A lot of people said their eyes

First-Time Responses:

• My fearlessness (LOVED this one)

• My liver

• My body can do this (standing head-to-big-toe pose)

Powerful responses that stood out:

• One woman, Jessica, said she had too many to count. She started sharing about how she birthed her children through a C-section and her body healed from that. She’d broken a hip at 12 years old, and still fully developed, though her mom told her (once she was older) that the doctors said she might not. She also shared that she used to be over 100 pounds heavier and had lost a lot of weight. She shared that learning breathwork through her hot yoga practice at YogaSix truly changed her life.

• A gentleman said his mole on his face, because he used to want to get rid of it. But the people close to him in his life told him to keep it, and he did. And now it’s his favorite thing about his body.

Various groups that approached me:

• Two yoga besties shared that their favorite thing was they could each hold a leg up in the air. They were so cute and agreed to be on video doing the action and sharing with me.

Stand out words of encouragement:

• One of the winners of the raffle, Sheila, let me know after the fact, “That totally made my day. I loved the pop-up and really appreciated the reminder to be more compassionate toward my body ❤️”

Patterns I noticed:

• A few women, in particular, shared that they didn’t have anything that they liked - only things they didn’t like. Like usual, I reminded them that they either were taking or just took a yoga class, and how incredible their body could power them through class.

I am beyond grateful to Sara Krish for bringing me into the space, to the owners of Y6 RH, Blaine and Jodi, for allowing me to pop-up, and to Annie for helping me set up and being a ray of sunshine to spend the day with. Thank you all for helping me spread my message into your yoga space ❤️

My chosen place to reflect: Japonica, Hermosa Beach. After I went home to let Mary Jane out, I took myself to happy hour at Japonica in HB. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to do this work and to take myself on a special little date after the fact to relish in the goodness and really soak in everyone’s answers.

My favorite thing about my body that day was… my flexibility - Y6 has contributed to my ability to deepen that, and I am so grateful my body can stretch in the many ways that it can.

Stay tuned for another pop-up coming very, very soon!!

I’ll leave you with this: What’s your favorite thing about your body?

❤️‍🔥Megan

If you want to be a part of the conversation… either reach out to me via email at themegangill@gmail.com to schedule a conversation or fill out this form to share your body image story anonymously.

Do you have a friend, family member, or peer who might want to be part of the conversation? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about Continued Conversations

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your healthcare providers.

Everyone, please welcome Kelsey Cally to Continued Conversations! Kelsey and I met in an acting class here in Los Angeles, and she’s since moved back to Chicago, which is fun since I’d spent a few years in the city myself and adore it so much. Kelsey is a stunning actor, director, teacher, and human, and she has a lot to say about body image, especially when it comes to being an actor.

The way Kelsey works with her students to become present in their bodies and accept where they are right here, right now is powerful. She speaks about shifting the body narrative to one of joy and talks about the importance of representing other women who have our similar body types through our art, whether on stage or on screen. Kelsey’s story inspired me, and I hope that her thoughts and offerings inspire you too.

In our conversation, we discuss…

• Her earliest memories of body image were witnessing how her mother (who was a dancer) would speak about her own body and dealing with people commenting on her red hair and freckles

• Shifting the mindset that your body is your own and no longer letting other people’s opinions dictate what you do with it

• Sharing with others how you feel about your body might just be how we start to accept our bodies and find self-love

• Working with actors on self-acceptance and shifting the narrative to joy

• Representing other women who have similar body types to you onstage and on screen

• Understanding that, as women, our bodies are constantly shifting due to our cycle and our hormones and educating more people (and young people) about this

• Arriving to where you are, in your body and psyche, when performing

• Living in your imperfections, as an artist and a human

• Kelsey takes her responsibility of holding her position as a leader very seriously

• Understanding the power of your example when in a position of leadership, whether that’s as a mother or as a teacher or as a director

• Learning how to trust yourself in your artistry

• Using wardrobe as play

Kelsey does not hold her role as a leader lightly. She understands the power she holds when spearheading a project or mentoring a room of students and makes it a priority to set a good example. I’m just in awe at the way Kelsey moves about the world, as a person and an artist, and I cannot wait for you to hear our conversation!

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Below is a text insert of our conversation that stuck with me, starting at around the 28-minute and 33-second mark:

Kelsey Cally: Yeah, I’ll start by saying I take my position – and I even giggle as I say, a leader, because I feel as if I didn’t consciously choose this necessarily. I always say I fell into teaching. That’s what I tell people. I didn’t mean to be a teacher, but it accidentally happened, and I really love it so much. And with that, I take my responsibility of holding that position of leadership – now I’m getting emotional, my god. I take my responsibility of holding that position very seriously. Because I’m not really doing it for me. And what I mean by that is that I don’t crave control. I don’t crave, “I’m the most important person in this room. Everyone listen to me.” In fact, I reject that with my full being, and almost sometimes I have to be like, “Kelsey, you are the one holding the space for everyone, so you do kind of have to be in charge right now.” And I do when I’m in that space, I won’t make you feel like, “What am I doing?”

But so your question means a lot because I very consciously make sure – let me see. I have two parts to this. I very consciously choose my words about myself when I’m using myself as an example in class, which is often, mainly because I don’t wanna reflect anything to – I don’t want anyone to feel they have to be perfect. That’s the best way I can say it. And that starts by me, how I treat myself and how I show up too. So if I’m allowing myself not to be perfect in the space, it gives others freedom not to be perfect in the space. And again, I even hate that word “perfect,” necessarily. Maybe more if I’m accepting myself, where I am that day, in the space very openly, it gives everyone else freedom to accept themselves that way in that space very openly. And that is what is most important to me in the room I am in. I love the medium of acting and the craft, and that’s what I’ve done since I was six years old. I’ve been lucky enough to do it this long, and so, that is the thing I teach. I think, though, in any lifetime, I may have been a teacher. I don’t know if it’s always been acting, but I think in some sort of way, I’ve always been a teacher. It just has fallen on me naturally. So again, I take that very seriously, the example I’m setting.

And, like I said earlier, a ton of my conversation with people, especially in this medium, again, which is very physical, and we are often looking at ourselves and consuming our own work or being perceived by others, right? I work a lot on the stage. I come from the world of stage. So you aren’t necessarily watching your own work, but you are being perceived, sometimes by a room of 30, sometimes by a room of thousands, depending on what you’re doing. So there has to be a level of acceptance of being perceived as well, which goes back to what you were talking about earlier of it’s not just snap your fingers and I accept myself, and here you go. And maybe it is for some people, I don’t know. If it is for you, how exciting to have ease in that. But it’s a lot of work behind the scenes, and daily work behind the scenes, and it can look different all the time. Sometimes it’s an internal conversation with self. Sometimes it’s journaling. Sometimes it is consuming work that inspires you because you see a reflection of yourself.

So a lot of my work with students is, yeah, getting them to that level of allowance and acceptance in self. And then once we get there, arriving to character, is that much more free, or sometimes it could be the opposite way. Sometimes it could be a character that is first inspiring, and then the work is allowing yourself to assume that. Yeah, I hope that answered…

Megan Gill: Oh, absolutely. It’s so lovely. That was – yes, so beautiful. And there are a couple things here that are jumping out to me. First, the parallel between you setting the example for the people that you are working with and teaching and leading and directing, Ms. Leader, you’re just reminding me of the way that you, as a young person, you were looking at your mom and looking at her as the example, and not saying that one is good and one is bad at all, by any means, but that’s just really lovely parallel that’s jumping out to me. Wow, so much of it is just by example, and I even find myself in front of my friends and my people,

I am now aware of how I speak about myself.

Kelsey Cally: Yes.

Megan Gill: And even sometimes I’m joking, and I’ll say something – I said something joking about my booty last night, and my girlfriend that’s staying with me – Chloé Godard!

Kelsey Cally: Oh, Chloé!

Megan Gill: You know her! She’s staying with me right now, and she was like, “Do not talk about my friend that way.” And I was like – yeah, even at this point, my friends are calling me out if I’m even saying something in a very jokingly manner. But I too try to lead by example in the spaces that I’m in, because I do think it affects people, and I do think that negativity breeds more negativity and if we can just – I also hate the word positivity, but it’s if we can just speak with more kindness about our physical vessels, then hopefully the people that are around us are either taken aback by that like, “Hmm, maybe I should try that too,” or they just inadvertently take it in, and you just never know how it could impact people. So I think that is so wonderful.

Kelsey Cally: I don’t know why I just thought of this, but I’m reflecting back to a student. So for a minute, I was coaching a lot, and I still do, but there’s one pocket of time where I was coaching a lot of people for school auditions. A big age range. But this person I’m thinking of was, I believe, 16 when we started working together, and they were working towards college auditions. And also, this kind of applies to young college kids as well. Maybe you experienced this in musical theater, the “look,” right, that you have to have – this specific look when auditioning. I remember just never understanding that, really. I don’t know, when I don’t understand things, then sometimes I’m just like, “Meh, I’m not gonna do it,” me personally. But this was early on in my coaching career, and I was working with this young person, and they were reflecting back to me something they had learned from another coach or another teacher about, “When I audition, I have to wear an A-line dress and heels or whatever and their hair in a certain way. I can think back to the era of 2013, and it was a very specific style dress and…

Megan Gill: Literally yes. I’m having flashbacks.

Kelsey Cally: You know what I mean? I’m pretty sure you’ve talked about this before.

Megan Gill: Yep.

Kelsey Cally: And I remember just talking about this young person, I remember looking them dead in the eye, and I was like, “You don’t have to do that.” And they were like, “What?” And they were so young, and everything older people said was so impactful to them, which is why it is so important to understand the power your words have when you’re working in that way, or your actions have when you’re coaching, teaching, or working with people, really of any age demographic, but especially a young mind that is still developing.

So I remember looking at them and being like, “Listen, you don’t – I understand someone gave you the advice of maybe what a trend is in dress for this, but do you like it? Do you like wearing it? Does it feel good in your body, or do you feel worse and more self-conscious, and it’s not – ?” I remember seeing a physical shift in them that I released them from this box that someone else had prescribed for them of you have to do this. You don’t, especially in the world of art, of self-expression, of creation, you get to decide what looks you have. You get to decide what feels good on your body, what songs you want to sing, what characters you wanna play, you know, what you say yes to, what you say no to. You design this for yourself, and I know there are a lot of things, implanting different opinions, whether it be trends you said or society or whatever it is that might be suggesting something different that can be really easy to listen to and let influence you, but you get to decide.

And I know they shifted to putting on an outfit that felt more comfortable, that brought ease, right, that allowed them to showcase themselves as they were. And also they were in a place, in an age of finding themselves, too. So it felt like taking someone else’s opinion and putting something on that was not themselves. So that was a learning lesson for myself too, of just reminding myself that, if we’re going back to leadership, that within that role of leadership, you can say, “Be yourself!” and influence someone else to be themselves. “Your opinion matters the most, not mine. Even though I may be in the position of your teacher right now, or you are auditioning for a panel of directors, schools, or casting, or whatever, your opinion about yourself still matters the most.”

And sometimes you have to dig through that opinion of if it really is like, “Is this opinion coming from other influences of something, or do I really feel this?” And then I’ll give you the next step, okay, yeah, this feels good. Let’s keep exploring this. Maybe this will take me to the next thing that I love. And then the next thing. And then the next thing. I think that’s the only way to move as an artist, is from self.

Megan Gill: Gosh, that’s beautiful. Truly stunning way to put all of that. Oh! Yeah, because we have to learn to trust ourselves, specifically as artists. And god, there’s just so much nuance in that, in learning how to listen to yourself, how to trust yourself. It took me years.

Kelsey Cally: Yeah.

Megan Gill: And it’s really beautiful when it does start to happen. And when you are able to be like, “Oh, that’s what I want to wear for this audition,” because girl, yes, I was in peak music theater, jewel-toned dress. Not that I wouldn’t have worn a dress in heels or a skirt and heels, but I remember when I moved to Chicago, I finally gave myself permission to wear different things to auditions, and it just felt so – I was able to connect with my work more, and if we’re not doing that, what the hell are we doing?

Kelsey Cally: And it offers to the sense of play too. I talk about this in class quite often as well. Don’t put on your body what you think someone else might like. First, start with what do you like, and then look at the character, look at the script, look at the influence of the text. Is there something in here that inspires you to go to your closet and pick out that sweater or go to your jewelry and pick out that pair of earrings? Going back to this show, I understudied this past fall, I had a whole day where I was looking through my clothes, and I was like, “Oh, my gosh, Sherry would wear this and this and this!” And that was just a personal, fun play for me. I didn’t even wear any of it in the show. We had an amazing costume designer, so that was handled, but it was more just for my own play. And I don’t know, I think of myself like, “Okay, if I were looking at everything, what would someone else, what would someone else? I dunno. I dunno.” And there is room to want to appease other people. That isn’t inherently a bad thing, but I don’t know. Just start with yourself. I think that’s the first place you have to start. “What do I like?”

Megan Gill: Absolutely. Absolutely. Because then it also helps cultivate your own personal opinions, which is something that I didn’t realize until I was in my late twenties, probably. “I don’t really have – I have opinions, but I really want to refine my opinions and get to know them and understand them and lean into them across the board as a person.” And that just opened so many doors for me, as a human and as an artist, and to understand that it’s good to have opinions, and it’s good to bring that into your work and into your life. And that’s just another thing that makes us all different. And the clothes that you’re gonna pick out for the role of young mom are gonna be different than the ones I pick out for the role of young mom. And also, how fun is that to just get to play into that? Yeah. Yeah.

Kelsey Cally: Yes, absolutely!

Megan Gill: It’s more enjoyable. There’s more joy than thinking…

Kelsey Cally: This craft is hard enough, so why would you make it any harder on yourself?

Megan Gill: Yes. It’s so true! Kelsey, is there anything else that you want to chat about or bring to the conversation?

Kelsey Cally: Let me think. Let me think.

Megan Gill: Loaded question, I know.

Kelsey Cally: Yeah, no, I just, I go back to – I talk to every – when I’m talking about this craft with students or friends or whatnot, I always talk about how your body is your tool. This is what we have: this body, whatever voice you have, is what you get to use. And each of us has vastly different access to our tools, and the work is understanding that access, too, of what it can do, how I can use it, and what that work is connecting, moving.

If I had advice for someone who’s like, I dunno, either is already an actor, is wanting to be an actor: know your body, hug your body, move your body, love your body, understand your body. Your voice is included in that as well. But do things that bring joy for the body. I was talking about dance earlier. There could have been a world where I made that my profession, and I thought – and I probably, because I saw what my mom dealt with in her career, maybe that influenced me not to make it my profession, because it is really difficult. But I remember there was a time where I was like, “I’m doing this for fun because it feels good, because every time I dance, I’m happy. I feel energetic, I feel buzzy in my body. My brain is probably doing, you know, some amazing chemical things that are making me feel elated. So therefore, I’m going to keep doing it. There could be a world where I look at myself, and I say, “That isn’t perfect,” or “I’m not moving that,” or “My body should shift in that way.” And in that way, I lose the joy of what the thing is in the first place.

o move your body, relate to your body in ways that bring you joy, truly. Yeah. And I think, therefore, you deepen your understanding of your tool and can use it more efficiently in your craft and in your play and in your expression.

Megan Gill: Oh, it’s so beautiful. It’s so beautiful because it’s so true, because we’re each so different that my tools are gonna be – maybe we have some crossover, but they’re gonna be overall different from your tools, from her tools, from her tools. And it’s if that isn’t the beautiful thing about the world and us being each individual people, then what are we doing here? We’re just clones. How boring.

Kelsey Cally is a Chicago-based actor, teacher, and director. Kelsey is founder and owner of Fifth Wall Artistry, where she works with actors from all over the world on deepening their craft. She holds an MFA in Acting from UC Irvine and a BA in Theatre Performance with a minor in Dance from Western Michigan University. Kelsey records a weekly Kids Radio Hour as a volunteer for Vocal Point Georgia Radio, where she shares her love of storytelling with young listeners. She was recently in Factory Theatres’ production of The Sporting Life and Remy Bumppo Theatre Company’s production of Hedda Gabler. She is committed to thoughtful, dynamic work onstage and in the classroom.

Follow Kelsey on Instagram

Work with Kelsey and Fifth Wall Artistry!

If you want to be a part of the conversation… either reach out to me via email at themegangill@gmail.com to schedule a conversation or fill out this form to share your body image story anonymously.

A couple of notes to ensure this is a safe space for my guests to share their intimate and vulnerable body image stories in:

• These conversations are quite nuanced, complex, and oftentimes very vulnerable. Remember that everyone has their own body image story, and while someone else’s might look differently than yours, I encourage you to keep an open mind and stay empathetic.

• That being said, I welcome your support of my guests in the comments. Please be kind and considerate with your words.

• Thank you for being here. By sharing this type of content, my hope is to inspire collective reflection and cultural questioning. Thank you for supporting me in exploring the effects of our society’s beauty norms and body standards on human beings existing in today’s world.

Leave a comment

Do you have a friend, family member, or peer who might be interested in being a part of the conversation? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about Continued Conversations!

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your health providers.

I live about a mile away from where BeachLife Festival is hosted, so I grabbed my sign, a canvas bag with my stuff, and I walked down towards the water. When I got down there, I wasn’t sure exactly where I wanted to stand, so I took a stroll and scoped the area out. I decided to stand at the cross streets of Beryl and Harbor to get the people walking towards the entry line.

When I arrived, I held my sign up and patiently waited for my first answer. I was excited to be there. I had fewer nerves than I typically do, which is also interesting.

The first answer I got was from a woman who said, “My freckles!” Shortly after, in passing, a woman said her strong arms, and the man she was with said his hair.

A woman came to stand near me, waiting for friends. She said her favorite thing about her body is her hair, and we spoke for a bit about the project and things we appreciated about ourselves. She mentioned she’s a retired teacher, and there’s a book coupled with an exercise she used to do with her students, where they’d have to answer what their favorite thing about their body is.

This was a day of passerbys, as most people who walked near me were on their way to the festival. It was interesting to experience because most answers were given in passing. There was a group of people walking by, and there had to have been five people who shared answers with me pretty simultaneously. It was overwhelmingly beautiful, and I started tearing up. The day, in whole, was quite powerful.

I took some time after my time on the street to reflect after the experience and wrote down those that I remembered most:

“What’s Your Favorite Thing About Your Body?”

LOCATION: BeachLife Festival, Redondo Beach, CA

DATE: Saturday, May 2nd, 2026

TIME: 2:00-5:00pm

Answers I heard:

• That it’s healthy

• That I have one

• “My big ole booty”

• Everything!

• My eyes seeing you with that sign

• “Guns or buns?”

• Toes - they help me stay grounded

• “That it still functions”

• “My legs because I can walk” - teenager

• My personality

• That it made all four of my babies

• My strong arms

• My shoulders

• My chest

• My tits

• My feet

• My hair

• My boobs - they fed my baby

• My eyes

• My scars

• My smile

• My *insert male reproductive body part here*

• My lips

• My ass

• My jawline

• That it functions

• My hips

• My nose

• My bellybutton

• My fupa

• My skin

• My eyeballs

• My heart

• My brain

The theme that stuck out to me the most:

• The number of men who said their reproductive organ (to keep it PG-13) - this was the first day a man explicitly said it, and not only one man, but about eight men using different terms.

• The number of men who said their chest or their boobies or their nipples was higher than usual.

First-Time Responses:

• A man said his glow-in-the-dark nail polish

• One woman said her jawline, and a teenage guy said his projected maxilla (and yes, he used that scientific term)

• “Dat ass”

• “I don’t want to tell you - it’s classified” - a man

• The woman who said her titties and flashed me one (thanks, girl!)

Powerful responses that stood out:

• “All of it - every single dimple and crevice.”

• A woman said her baby fat and grabbed her belly.

• My sense of humor and sarcasm.

• A woman said her boobs because they fed her babies. She’s a lactation specialist, and she helps women feed their babies. She said, “I’m probably the only woman in Manhattan Beach who doesn’t have a boob job,” and she was proud of it.

• Two different men said their scars - one from surfing as a kid, and another from saving two different people’s lives.

Various groups that approached me:

• There weren’t too many groups that came to chat

• Two women stopped over, and one took a photo with me. She’s the woman who said, “All of it,” and I told her how powerful that was.

• Two people filming for a street show stopped over to interview me. I then asked if I could film them, and the woman said her favorite thing was her personality.

Stand out words of encouragement:

• “I’m glad you’re out here.”

• “You’re so cute!” (smiling works!)

• Quite a few people said, “Aww,” or some form of that upon seeing my sign. It’s always so wonderful to see people smile when they read it.

Patterns I noticed:

• So many people said “everything.”

• More people than not had an answer for me, which was wonderful to witness.

Per usual, thank you to all who shared with me that day. It’s a truly moving experience to stand out there with my sign and get to hear everybody’s answers. I’m honored to be witness to them.

My chosen place to reflect: Slice & Pint, Redondo Beach

My favorite thing about my body that day was… my mobility! How grateful I am to be able to move in the ways that I can. It’s so underrated.

Stay tuned for more of this! I cannot wait to continue this experiment.

I’ll leave you with this: What’s your favorite thing about your body?w

❤️‍🔥Megan

If you want to be a part of the conversation… either reach out to me via email at themegangill@gmail.com to schedule a conversation or fill out this form to share your body image story anonymously.

Do you have a friend, family member, or peer who might want to be part of the conversation? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about Continued Conversations

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your healthcare providers.

Everyone, please welcome Brittany Brown to Continued Conversations! Brittany and I met through a shared acting community in Los Angeles back in 2019. I knew she was a phenomenal actor, and I also knew she had experience in the modeling industry, so when I started this project, she was on my list of people I wanted to have a conversation with. But it took Brittany sharing a bit more about her experience on “America’s Next Top Model,” once the documentary had been aired, for me to reach out and ask if she’d be open to talking body image with me in this space. And I’m so thankful she was because our conversation was powerful.

In our conversation, we discuss…

• Brittany’s journey to finding Reiki for her own healing and now starting her own Reiki practice to help others

• Giving yourself permission to slow down and rest

• As a kid, learning your body is being perceived by others

• The intersection of a cut-throat modeling industry and the desire to be a soft and creative artist

• Her experience on “America’s Next Top Model” leading her to want to step away from modeling, so she could return to the industry on her own terms

• The importance of safe, supportive representation

• Truly embracing you, who you are, and your body

• Re-teaching our bodies safety after traumatic experiences

• Finding freedom in acting

• It’s our responsibility to protect our bodies

Brittany is truly an incredible light of a woman. She shared so much wisdom in the 45 minutes that we spoke together, and I’m so grateful to her for joining me in discussing parts of her story she hadn’t spoken about in a while. I’m hopeful that anyone who’s gone through something similar to Brittany hears her words and feels seen and validated in her generous vulnerability. In the Instagram post she shared that pulled me to finally reach out to her she shares:

“If this documentary sparks conversations about care, consent, and humanity within creative industries, I hope it also makes room for stories of resilience and moving forward.“

So, thank you, Brittany, for opening up in this space with me. And to everyone here reading, get ready for a moving conversation - I cannot wait for you to listen in!

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Below is a text insert of our conversation that stuck with me, starting at around the 10-minute and 54-second mark:

Brittany Brown: So I feel lucky in the sense of, when I was a kid, I just wanted to play. And I think when you’re around, I don’t know, sixth grade, I remember a boy on the playground just being like, “Where are your boobs?” And I was like, “I don’t know. They’re just not in yet.” This is so silly. I used to wish, on my birthday, “I wish my boobs would grow.” And then, like I said, being that late bloomer – well, and again, other people just always point out, “You’re so tall,” or “You’re so this,” and I’m like, “Yeah, that’s just my body.”

And then I think when I – it was after high school when my body just shifted, and I was like, “Ooh, this is, this is different.” And then that was the time when I went on America’s Next Top Model, and then I’m being told, you know, “Oof, this still doesn’t really quite work. We don’t know where to put you.” And then I’m like, oh, now you’re being evaluated in that sense. And I started to kind of feel like I didn’t have autonomy over my own being, because I was like, “Oh, I’m finally –.” Here we go. I don’t know why this is making me emotional now. You go from being awkward to then feeling good to then still not being enough. And it really messed with me for a long time of just, “Ugh, well, what is my body type? Am I just… I’m not quite tall/skinny enough to be a runway model. I’m not volumptuous. And I just kinda went from caring a lot to kind of just shutting down.

Megan Gill: And like disconnecting from – or what do you mean shutting down?

Brittany Brown: Especially around the timing of me doing that show was just – I was 18, almost 19. And I was so excited because I was like, “I want to just go, and I want to play, and I love being creative and doing photo shoots”. And then it just so quickly became something that wasn’t really fun. And I know people are like, “It’s a tough – it’s a brutal industry. You need to have thick skin.” And I’m like, I am so soft and so tender. I am one of the most – and for a long time, I would get frustrated like, “Brittany, don’t cry, stop crying!” or, “Don’t be so affected.” And I just had to like really accept myself like, “You’ve always been sensitive, and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.” So the shutdown thing was just –

Megan Gill: That’s your superpower!

Brittany Brown: Yeah, I think I’m more – well, I wanted nothing to do with the modeling industry.

Megan Gill: After that experience?

Brittany Brown: I was just – I came home, and I was just still processing. And other people are like, “Ah!!!” And I’m like, “Huh?”

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Brittany Brown: It took time. And then I was like if I do this, I want it to be on my terms. I want to find an agency where I feel protected and safe and not constantly just evaluated or…

Megan Gill: Yeah, absolutely, and supported.

Brittany Brown: Yeah!

Megan Gill: Because you’re right, the industry is brutal, and I don’t even know the half of it, but I can only imagine that coming off of that show and having people that don’t know what you went through be like, “Oh, my gosh, this is so exciting!” And you’re having to still sit with and process and deal with everything that you had experienced and how your relationship to your body, the work itself, what you once thought was going to be this – what was this fun, enjoyable thing for you has now been tainted. I am just hurting for 19-year-old you who, you’re still a kid in a sense. It’s a lot to process and sit with and manage.

Brittany Brown: Yeah, and, I mean, I’m grateful in hindsight because some of the women that I was able to meet through that, that was one of the best parts - connecting in this kind of weird process. And some people could argue like, “Well, you signed up for the show. You went on.” And I’m like, yes, I did sign up for the show, but I didn’t sign up for other manipulation or other things that kind of took place, and I was the one who had to come home and then live my life and do the work on healing from that. So it’s a journey.

Megan Gill: Yeah, and it’s also hard for people to say that. Well, yes, but also you would hope – one would hope that going on a show like that would not have been such a difficult experience to go through. You would hope that it would – the pros would outweigh the cons in it to an extent. And I don’t mean to speak for you and say the cons outweighed the pros, but it’s like – I don’t know. I don’t know.

Brittany Brown: Yeah. No, I know what you mean because I remember I got home, and I was in Arizona, and I think an agency wanted to meet with me, and I was very much just like, “I don’t want to do that.” I was just like, “Mm, mm-mm.” And I think I waited almost a year. I did end up being signed, and I was like, “Oh, this is okay.”

I moved to LA shortly after that as well, but I remember just being like – also, I was like I like acting way better because I feel like in modeling it’s so much about how you look, which is also frustrating because – I don’t hate modeling. I love being creative and moving your body, and I just – I hate the bad rap that it’s gotten, but it’s gotten that for a reason, you know?

Megan Gill: Yeah, it is unfortunate. And, okay, a couple things here, because I do want to talk more about your journey into acting and kind of how that evolved your story and your relationship to your self-image. But I’m also thinking it’s so tough in our society today, where ten years ago, we were having this like body positivity movement, and we were getting all different shapes and sizes of bodies in our media. And now it’s – god, I saw something this morning about I don’t know, just the, the way that our society is now leaning back towards like everyone is very, very small.

Brittany Brown: Yeah. It does. It becomes things are more in or trendy.

Megan Gill: That’s like a testament to – that made me think when you were it’s not that you don’t like modeling, or that you like dislike the modeling industry or like the creative act of modeling, but it’s hard when the confines of it are being manipulated by brands and by trends. And it’s so hard to keep up and feel… yeah. I’m rambling.

Brittany Brown: Yeah. It’s almost like – no, you’re not. I know it sounds cheesy too, but even I just tell people, I’m like you really have to embrace you because things are constantly gonna be changing. And if you’re always like, “Well, now I’ve gotta lose 10 pounds,” or “Now I gotta stuff my bra,” I don’t know, just to fit something, if you’re chasing that, it’s never gonna feel aligned. Because trust me, I love throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and then doing a photo shoot. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I think it’s when you feel good, it’s empowering. It’s just when I think maybe it’s giving your power away or how the biggest part for me is learning to not abandon myself in these moments, because no amount of external validation will ever be enough, or it has to come from inside, and people say that, but until you really live it and feel it, I’m like, whew, yeah, that’s very true.

Megan Gill: Yeah, absolutely. And it just reminds me of it being in partnership too or being in friendship, being in relationship with others, it’s like no other person can validate you as much as you can yourself. If you are not accepting of yourself and showing yourself that love and care and kindness and compassion, no one else can do it for you. It’s a similar concept, you know?

Brittany Brown: Oh, it’s still hard though. I remember I did a student film through I think UCLA, I don’t know, ten years ago, and they did a little screening of it, and I just remember I was sitting next to my sister, and I was like – I couldn’t even watch myself. I was just like – all I saw was my flaws. I was like, “Oh my gosh, Brittany, you look like Grumpy Cat when you’re on screen. This is terrible.” And my sister was just like, “What are you talking about?” And I couldn’t even look at it as art or telling a story because I was so hyper-focused on picking apart my appearance. It’s just mind-blowing.

And then that also sucked because I love theater. I love moving my body. I love being quirky. And it’s a very weird experience when you go from that to, “Oh my gosh, but how am I being perceived?” And that was, I think, the trauma from America’s Next Top Model that kind of just like, whew! And then I went, “Oh, that’s the lens I’m looking at. But no one’s out to get me or make me look bad anymore, so why? Whew. Let’s let that go so we can just feel free.”

Megan Gill: Yeah, to be embodied in the play and in the joy and in the expression of the art form, whether it is modeling now or acting on camera or on stage. But you’re right, that is so so hard, and it’s so hard to teach our bodies that they are safe in those moments when you’ve experienced something that led you to feel unsafe in the expression or thereafter. I mean, it took me years to feel comfortable enough in my body as an actor, way too long.

Brittany Brown: Yeah.

Megan Gill: It’s nuts to think that my whole college career, I was just so focused on how I was being perceived in my body that I didn’t even dive into the art form of it all. It’s wild! I’m like, wow. I could have been learning so much more, but instead my brain space was just taken up and all consumed by the way I looked.

Brittany Brown: And I am curious, for you, if you kind of feel the same way of being – do you – with modeling and acting, because you do both, do you feel more of a sense of freedom in acting, or how do you kind of…?

Megan Gill: Now, yes, because I think that I’ve been acting for so long, and I feel like I have grown in such a lovely way with my acting to this place where it’s so much easier for me to be embodied and be in story and not worry about what anyone’s thinking about me.

But when it comes to modeling, it’s like I really don’t know what I’m doing. Technically speaking, there are things that I’m like – so a lot of times, I’m faking it till I’m making in that realm. Not with fit modeling, but if I have um an e-comm casting or something, I’m like, “Ha!” I do not excel in this area. So I’m just showing up and, ultimately, this is me. If you like my look enough – like you said, unfortunately, so much of it is about look. “If you like me enough, then you’ll work with whatever weird thing my hands are doing,” you know?

Brittany Brown: Yeah.

Megan Gill: Yeah, I feel a lot more freedom in my acting, but I think it’s also because what I’ve come to learn – and I’m curious to know if you feel similarly – is that more goes in acting. More things pass. The human nuance when you’re acting and when movement is involved and it’s not just – not that all modeling is still photography, but I don’t know, it’s just more things I feel like can be included. And maybe this is a lesson in more things could be included in the modeling realm too, but… yeah. Yeah, I feel just like freedom.

Brittany Brown: Yeah, I remember too the freedom that I felt for some reason of it doesn’t matter how your hair looks right now, it doesn’t matter if you have a triple chin when you’re thinking or angry. It doesn’t matter when you’re onstage or you’re doing something, you know, it just, to me, felt like, “Oh my gosh!” I get that way, especially with live auditions. If I can feel that level of freedom, it just feels like permission to just be. Yeah, I feel like you don’t really have that when you’re modeling, but maybe that’s just I just could never get there with it.

Megan Gill: I mean, even still, if I do a photoshoot now, and even if it’s just for me, it’s like there is an added level of pressure, and maybe because in my head it’s not “storytelling” in the way that if I’m creating a short film or something, acting in a short film. That is like, “Okay, gotta give it up because story, story. That’s what matters. That’s what matters.” But it’s like, “Yeah, I’m just doing a photoshoot for myself!” So then all of a sudden the pressure’s on, and I’m like, “Oh, god. Everything has to be perfect.” But it’s like, no! We’re humans. We’re not perfect. And it’s okay if – god, it really took me a long time to get to this place of I just took headshots recently, and my belly button was showing in some of the photos, and I’m like do I still have – parts of me still have like feelings about that like, “Ugh, god, ugly.” But then I just do the work to be like, “No. That? No. We have done so much work to accept our belly. No! She deserves to make her freaking appearance. She deserves to be here!”

Brittany Brown: Yeah.

Megan Gill: So there’s always going to be that, “Ugh,” you know?

Brittany Brown: Oh, yeah.

Megan Gill: Like how you said when you were watching yourself in the film, but it’s like hopefully we can do enough work, consistent work, because it’s never-fucking-ending to get to a place where we can have those thoughts, but then be like, “Okay, let’s hold our own hand and be like, “But… It’s okay! You are still good, and you are still talented and incredible and wonderful.”

Brittany Brown: Yeah. Oh, yeah, you just brought me back. Now, I love being tender, and I love people with opinions, and I’m just like, “Ah! Great!”

I remember when I got home from the show, and I had looked up an ANTM fandom website where someone had edited pictures of my face, of what they thought would make my face a better face. And I was just like – that hurt at the time. And then now I’m like who cares? People are always gonna have this opinion, and if I sat and looked and read everything, oh my gosh, that would be terrible. So why even go there? Yeah.

Megan Gill: Right, it’s almost like we get to hand that back to those people. Like, if you feel like you need to say something like that about somebody else’s body, then that’s something that you have to sit with. I think it’s hard to have that realization that that’s theirs to carry, not ours to take on, because it’s, in this case, literally about your body. So it’s really difficult to be able to separate it. But that’s really cool to hear that you have come this far to be able to be like, “That’s on you, man.”

Brittany Brown: Yeah, or I just don’t even want to look. I don’t even look any… yeah.

Megan Gill: Yeah, because it doesn’t matter. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. Ooh, I’m curious to know – and maybe we’ve touched on some of this, so forgive me if it’s kind of a repeat, but I’m curious to know how your relationship with your body today is different than it was ten years ago, which I know we’ve kind of talked about. But, I don’t know! If there’s anything else that’s coming up for you when it comes to that?

Brittany Brown: So that inner fun child is definitely still here because I want work to always feel like play and freedom, right? If we’re like, “Ahh!” But some of the tender topics, I think, are still there a little bit. But I am 32 now. You know, I’m not 22. So the need to seek out the validation isn’t really there anymore, which feels like responsibility, actually, because then it’s like, okay, then let’s tend to our body. That is even why I do this work now is because I want to show my body love, safety. It’s my responsibility to protect her. So it feels like strength, but that comes from a very tender place.

Megan Gill: That’s really powerful and lovely and very, very eloquently put.

Brittany is an actress currently based in Arizona, with a deep love for theatre and storytelling that has been a part of her life for as long as she can remember. She has also worked as a model, an experience that shaped her understanding of self-expression, confidence, and the complexity of being seen. Recently, she has been exploring energy work, holding space for others to reconnect with themselves and their own healing. She is passionate about the intersection of creativity, authenticity, and personal growth, and how those elements come together to shape who we are.

Follow Brittany on Instagram

A couple of notes to ensure this is a safe space for my guests to share their intimate and vulnerable body image stories in:

• These conversations are quite nuanced, complex, and oftentimes very vulnerable. Remember that everyone has their own body image story, and while someone else’s might look differently than yours, I encourage you to keep an open mind and stay empathetic.

• In light of this, please feel free to support the guests of this Substack Series in the comments.

• Thank you for being here. By sharing this type of content, my hope is to inspire personal reflection and cultural questioning. Thank you for supporting me in exploring the effects of our culture’s beauty norms and body standards on human beings existing in today’s world.

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Do you have a friend, family member, or peer who might want to join in the conversation? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about Continued Conversations

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your health providers.

On Friday, April 17th, 2026, I took my sign and drove down to Riviera Village.

I’ve been wanting to take my sign to the different pockets of my community, so Riviera Village was next up on my list. It’s a cute little dining/shopping area in South Redondo Beach, CA. I had a feeling it would be a fun spot to bring my sign to - and that it was.

I beat the rush by about an hour or so, finding my spot to park around 4:30. It was quick, and I headed over to the crossroads right at Vist Del Mar & South Catalina Ave. right next to The Aloha Bungalow.

When I got there, I held my sign up. There weren’t many people yet, but I knew traffic was likely to pick up as it grew closer to dinner time.

Like I usually tend to be, I was a bit nervous but also excited and feeling empowered to be there. I was standing, smiling, the sun at my back when people started to respond. It took a bit longer than it had in the past to get a response, but that didn’t bother me. To be quite honest with you, I don’t recall the exact first person to contribute to my question, but very early on I noted a theme for the day: eyes and legs.

One woman passing by said she didn’t know, to which I replied, “It can be anything!” As she was halfway across the opposite street, she grabbed her hair and yelled, “My hair!” She did have fabulous hair.

A younger man driving past in a car shouted out the window, “My eyes!” while pointing both hands to his eyes.

These first few answers had me close to tears. The experience of witnessing people voice an answer to my question is always truly powerful and honestly sometimes overwhelming. It’s so moving. And I’m so happy I’m doing this project, because how beautiful to get to hear from the strangers in my community.

The first two people to approach me to answer were Joe and Sue, a presumed couple who stopped to answer. Joe said his chest/pecs. Sue said her neck/back. It took Sue longer to think up an answer than it did Joe, but I appreciated that she took the time to dig to find something she appreciated about her body.

I then met a younger girl, Sophie, who was with her grandmother. She stopped to chat for a while, which was wonderful. Sophie shared many things about her body that she appreciated - her feet, her lips, and lastly her spine. She said her spine is her ultimate favorite because she recently had surgery on it. So she is now half iron and half human. Her grandmother’s favorite thing is her smile (which was beautiful).

Another guy, Jedidiah, stopped by to chat, saying he saw one of my videos when I was with my sign in Hermosa. Which, like, HOW FREAKING COOL IS THAT?! Jedidiah’s favorite thing about his body was his laugh (which was truly infectious). He’s in a band, Feed The Kitty, that was playing at The Craftsman in The Village. As I do, I gave him a sticker for his willingness to be videoed for part of the series, and he gave me a band sticker in return.

I saw two women who’d previously given me an answer - the woman who said her boobs because they feed her baby, and another woman who said her neck. The second woman was with her friend from San Diego, who just so happened to be a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. We all had a chat about how powerful the question is, which was truly just a wonderful conversation to be part of.

This was such a fun place to stand because of the car cross-traffic. The number of people in a car who answered their favorite thing (many, by the way) was so cool to see too! I didn’t anticipate people either reading through their window, shouting responses out their window, or smiling at the question. One woman held up and waved her hands through the window, another pointed to her head/face. This was just so neat to experience.

I was also able to jot down more notes this time around than I had before. The direct quotes are so fun to be able to share, and I wnated to ensure I captured as many as possible.

Before I knew it, my friends Justine and Tanner came over with their friend Chris. Justine answered for the camera, saying her favorite thing about her body is her smile because she uses it to spread positivity - how beautiful is that. Chris said his eyelashes because he used to be bullied for them in school and kids would tell him it looked like he was wearing mascara. But they’re nice and long and he likes them now.

Overall, the day was a hit. The woman who was working at Aloha Bungalow this day was Vicky. She initially laughed when she saw my sign and said something along the lines of how she didn’t have an answer, to which I said, “It can be anything! Like… your aura.” And she said, “Yeah, that’s it - my aura.” I think she was half-joking, but whatever works to get people thinking kindly about themselves, amirite?

By the time she was wrapping up the shop, she asked what I was doing and what my favorite thing about my body was. We spoke about how kind and wonderful our South Bay community is, and she wished me luck as she left for the evening. Vicky is a gem of a human, and I’m so glad she ended up coming over to chat.

I took some time after my time on the street to reflect after the experience and wrote down those that I remembered most:

“What’s Your Favorite Thing About Your Body?”

LOCATION: Riviera Village, South Redondo Beach, CA

DATE: Friday, April 17th, 2026

TIME: 4:30-7:30pm

Answers I heard:

• My eyes

• My legs

• My smile

• That I have one

• What I can do

• My hair

• My belly

• My ankles

• The fact that I can move

• My spine

• My singing voice

• My tits

• My clavicles

• My feet

• My brain

• My laugh

• My butt

• Everything!

• My back

• My shoulders

• My heart

• My hands

The theme that stuck out to me the most:

• All sorts of various men who said:

  • “I can’t say…”

  • “Well, I can’t talk about that.“

  • “Can’t tell you that.“

  • [A man who’d previously passed me once] “You’ve given me time to think, and I can’t share because it’s private.”

• The two older women had similar responses:

  • One was with her friend who answered her shoulders. When she said vajayjay, we were all laughing. But like, yes, queen, pop off.

  • One older woman (she must have been in her eighties) passed by me the first time saying, “That’s none of your business” in a very joking fashion. On her way back from, what I presumed to be dinner, I was standing with friends when she jokinly shouted, “My vajina is none of your business!” We were all dying laughing at the boldness. This queen.

First-Time Responses:

• My eyeballs.

• My ovaries - that I had three children.

• My singing voice.

• That I’m kind - this was from a gentleman who was with his daughter. At first he said it feels vain to have to answer, and I told him it doesn’t have to be a physical attribute - it can be an organ or an energy. His daughter’s favorite thing about her body was her eyes.

• One gentleman said, “All bodies look the same to me,” which I thought was a very neutral, fascinating response.

• One woman said, “My earlobes - they’re the only thing I have left,” while another woman said, “Not my ears!” So interesting.

• One man on a bike stopped over to chat for a bit. He said his favorite thing is that he feels younger than he actually is. He called his wife to ask her, but she told him that questions feel invasive. Fascinating how everyone interprets it differently.

Powerful responses that stood out:

• One man asked what I was doing and why, to which he replied, “If we think better about ourselves, maybe we won’t be so harsh on others.”

• I had a couple of people mention their brain, and one guy said, “If you don’t use it, you lose it.”

• A woman saw my sign and asked to hug me. She then said, “Hugging you!”

• Another woman said, “That it allows me to move and gives me strength.”

• One woman said, “I can’t decide!” Like, yes, queen! What a great problem to have.

• A young boy said, “My smile!” *cue tears*

Various groups that approached me:

• A sweet family stopped over, and the mom asked one of her young girls who said her eyes. Her other daughter didn’t know, and her son kept saying, “Nothing!” We were laughing because we told him there has to be something, but he kept saying, “Nothing!” then laughing.

• A group of four women and one guy walked past me, and the man was one of the dudes who said, “I can’t tell you that,” while none of the women wanted to answer.

• Two women walked past. One pointd to her friend and said, “Everything!” The friend pointed back and said, “Everything about her too!”

• A 17-yo and her mom on bikes rolled up and said they loved the question. The 17-yo said her legs, and her mom pointed out that it was really cool her daughter wanted to answer. *cue more tears*

Stand out words of encouragement:

• One woman hugged me, said hers was her belly, and told me to never stop being me.

• The women who’s a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and her friend offered kind words about what I was doing, which was just lovely to hear from a clinical psychologist.

Patterns I noticed:

• The amount of people in cars driving past that were looking at my sign.

To all who participated in answering my question last Friday - I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am changed because of you, and I hope you are a little bit too.

My chosen place to reflect: Mi Casa (because I had leftover pasta and an open bottle of wine with my name on it).

I went to my yoga studio, YogaSix Redondo Beach, this morning (Tuesday, April 21st, 2026), and after class, a member came up to me asking if I was out in Riviera Village with a sign about bodies. And I said yes!!! She introduced herself, her name is Corrie (Kori? Cori?), and I’m so thrilled she came up to me. She said she knew she recognized me from Y6, and, though they didn’t stop, that her husband said something along the lines of, “That it’s still working.“ I shared that I’m so happy to hear it got them talking, and she said it was an excellent conversation starter. Such. A. Cool. Moment!!!!!!

My favorite thing about my body that day was… my smile!!!

Stay tuned for more of this! I cannot wait to continue this experiment with my community.

As always, I’ll leave you with this: What’s your favorite thing about your body?

❤️‍🔥Megan

If you want to be a part of the conversation… either reach out to me via email at themegangill@gmail.com to schedule a conversation or fill out this form to share your body image story anonymously.

Do you have a friend, family member, or peer who might want to be part of the conversation? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about Continued Conversations

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your healthcare providers.

Everyone, please welcome Katie Stone to Continued Conversations! Katie and I were connected through a friend of mine, Alia Parise, who I previously spoke with on Continued Conversations. (Thank you, Alia - we love you!) Katie is also a fellow fit model and print model, and when she had mentioned she has a condition called adenomyosis that she is starting to talk more publicly about, I knew we had to chat.

After all she’s been through with her condition, Katie’s outlook on her life and her relationship to her body now is extremely inspiring. She opens up about her story and shares so beautifully all that she’s gone through that led her to where she’s at now in terms of how she’s relating to her body. She shares so much about her own story in our conversation, and I know she hopes to reach others in doing so too. [Keep an eye out because this woman is going to write a book one day!!!]

In our conversation, we discuss…

• Katie’s health journey that led to her adenomyosis diagnosis

• Educating yourself and caring for your body through that lens while struggling with a chronic health condition becomes your part-time or full-time job

• Radical acceptance of her pain, coupled with science and spirituality, allowed her to begin to heal her body

• The Dutch Test gave her a breakdown of her hormones

• Having to give up coffee, even though she loves it so much - the sacrifices she has had to make to feel good in her body

• How she deeply listened to her body when it told her not to get a hysterectomy

• Katie’s serendipitous discovery of her doctor, who changed everything (who’s also named Katie)

• The toll stress, coupled with genetics, diet, and lifestyle, can truly take on our bodies

• How to cope when feeling out of control in your own body

• Katie’s journy towards opening up about her story and listening to her own heart

• Being honest with a client (or anyone, really) instead of pretending everything is okay

Katie’s vulnerability in sharing her story was admirable. She got into the nitty-gritty of the intersection of science and spirituality when it comes to how she is healing her body. Despite her journey and all she’s been through, Katie is such a light of a human, and I cannot wait for you to hear our conversation!

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Below is a text insert of our conversation that stuck with me, starting at around the 28-minute and 2-second mark:

Katie Stone: I’ve had to navigate through all of this while still doing all of the work that I do. And but, you know, health comes first and foremost because it affects everything else in my life. So it’s like, I know that I need to prioritize this, even if that means that maybe I don’t get a casting one day because I’m just not the right measurements because maybe I’ve been eating a certain way for a few months, and it’s actually made me smaller, and now I’m not those measurements anymore, but I want to bounce back, you know? And so, it’s just a matter of being aware of what’s going on and understanding that you have to just love your body. You have to love yourself going through this. You really do, because it’s difficult and I don’t want to make it worse for myself ultimately.

Megan Gill: Yeah, absolutely. I think that that’s such an important piece of the conversation, that even when you are dealing with so many of these things that are so out of your control – granted, I do think that just living in a body, generally speaking, we think we can control all these little things about ourselves, but we can’t. And then you add a condition like adenomyosis on top of that, and you’re like, “Wow, I really have no control,” especially with the elimination from your diet and trying different things here and there. It’s like, oh my god, it seems as if it’s what the average person experiences, yet tenfold.

Katie Stone: Yeah. Yeah, it really is. And again, people sometimes have no idea that I go through this because I’m not the type to complain a lot. I’m not the type to just, you know, publicly share so much about all of the details that I go through, because it is very sensitive stuff, and I want to share it because I want other people to be aware, first of all. And I want other women to understand that they’re not the only ones going through this. That it is so confusing, and it’s frustrating, and I get it. And I have just been the type of person where I don’t accept just giving up in my life. I cannot accept that. I cannot accept, “Well, I guess I’m gonna have to remove my entire uterus because there’s nothing else I can do, and I’m at the mercy of people telling me what I should be doing.”

I just – and trust me, I have worked with amazing gynecologists, you know, just people who really do care about me and my wellbeing. But this is just how the world works. You do have to do your own research. You do have to find people you work with, that you work well together. You do need to approach it in a holistic sense, in my opinion, if you don’t want to go down that route, and I didn’t. It’s not specifically because I want to have kids or anything that. It’s more so because this is my body, and that’s such a drastic move to have to remove something completely from your body. And then when you think about it – and I know that this has helped so many women out there, you know, having that type of surgery, and I completely get that and support people in their decision, no matter what they do. But for me personally, I just didn’t want to go down that route. And you know, when you remove an organ from your body, that doesn’t necessarily mean you completely solve the problem, you know? Because you’re not understanding, again, why the inflammation is happening to begin with and what’s going on with your hormones. You could still be doing things like, you know, stress levels and things that, that are affecting you even if you do remove your uterus.

So I just like, logically just thought like, “Well, but I want to know what’s going on in my body, you know, and I want to figure that out.” I want to have a working relationship with my body versus thinking of it as something just like, “Okay, I’ll just remove this,” you know, as a project or something.

Megan Gill: Yeah, like a curiosity about deepening that connection to your body that had not been present for so long. And I don’t mean to say that so black and white, but just getting more and more connected. this body that you felt you were disconnected to previously when you had first started going through all of this is deeply important, and that makes so much sense and is so beautiful. And I’m also curious about, earlier you mentioned that there was a whisper telling you not to have the surgery and not to remove your uterus.

Katie Stone: Yes. Yeah.

Megan Gill: I’m curious to hear more about that because that’s also like – I love that you listen to that. That is deep listening to what your body is telling you. And I think that so many people cannot or do not listen to themselves in that way, you know?

Katie Stone: Yeah, no, that’s an amazing point, and I’m really glad you brought that up because that was a really big turning point for me because I was at the end of the line. I was just like, “Okay, I don’t know what else to do.” I was so frustrated. Megan, I was so frustrated.

You know, it was probably summer of last year. Yeah, summer of last year, and I was so frustrated at that point, and I exhausted everything, or so I thought at that time, and I was just like, “You know what? Forget it. I’m just gonna get the surgery.” I had scheduled it; I actually had scheduled the surgery. I put it on the calendar, you know, with the surgery scheduler and and everything, you know. And then, because it takes a long time to schedule those types of surgeries, I had a few months, and I was like, “Okay, if I don’t figure it out in the next few months, I already have it on the calendar, and I’ll do it.”

So that really put my butt into gear to figure it out. And I have to give a giant shout-out to my mom, because she heavily helped me throughout this. And she was very much on my side of like, “Whatever you want to do, I support. But I do think we should give it one last shot just to see if we can find someone out there who specializes in this.” Because I had talked to nutritionists in the past. I had talked to more holistic types of doctors, Chinese, you know, medicine, and things that. I’ve done so many things, you know, acupuncture and things that. And it just, nothing was working enough. And that’s why I was like, “Well, I tried that, so why would I keep trying that?” So that’s why I was just at this point where I was like, “Screw it. I’m just gonna get the surgery.” But then my mom was like, “Let’s just try it one more time. Like, what do we have to lose? Just one more time, just maybe do a little bit more research. You have a different perspective now. If you can find someone to help you, great.”

So then I searched for just dieticians or nutritionists – because I know there’s a difference – but dieticians who specialize in this menstrual condition, I searched for that in Los Angeles, and there were about five to ten that came up that I looked into a little further. I contacted a few. I set up a few calls with them, consultations. I talked to three different people, ultimately. One, she was really great. Wasn’t crazy about her systems, but she had amazing knowledge. Another one I talked to, she was great as well, but she ended up telling me, “I don’t think I’m the right person for you, but I do know someone in my network who I think would be really great if you talk to her instead.” And she said, “I don’t know if she’s taking new clients, but it might be worth a shot just to share your story with her and see what happens.”

So then I emailed her, and her name’s also Katie. I emailed her immediately, and I shared my story with her as to – I was just – I just gave everything I got. I was like, “This is what I’ve gone through. This is what I need. Can you help me?” And she messaged me back pretty fast and said, “Let’s work together. I want to help you.” And I was just like – my heart was just like, “Oh my god, thank god. Thank god I found someone. I hope this works out,” you know? Because I still didn’t fully know. And then we got on a call. I loved her style and her system. Her brain works mine. I was like, “This is great.” You know, she had worked with a few, just a few, other women who had this condition and successfully, you know, got them stable to the point in their lives where it’s just more manageable, you know, and that’s all I wanted. I just wanted to be more manageable. I know this is something I’m gonna have to deal with until I go through menopause. That’s just how it works, you know, because you can’t just completely get rid of this, as far as I know. So that’s all I wanted. And so I’ve been working with her since then.

And again, she’s someone that I had to find on my own. It’s very specific to my needs, and everything that she has treated me with, very specific. For other women, I highly recommend that they talk to a dietician if they’re going through anything remotely similar to what I’m going through and get some testing done. A Dutch test is fantastic for that. I even also recently did a gut biome test where I tested out to see what’s going on, you know, in my intestines, because that has a direct impact on. Your hormones as well, you know, your digestive system. If that’s all out of whack too, then – the two go hand in hand. They work together .your hormones and your reproductive system and all of that, plus what’s going on in your gut. So I knew that that was important.

We recently did that too. And again, mind-blowing data that I learned just from going through that, and her going through the information with me. You know, because a lot of the times too, when you’re online, there are so many people out there just trying to be like, “Oh, this is what you should do. This is the product you should try. This is the supplement mission to try,” and it’s overwhelming. And that’s why I think it’s so important to find the right person to work with you. I don’t think there’s one answer or one product or one solution that’s gonna solve everything, because I’ve been there, done that, and it’s just not the case. So you have to have it specialized to your body and what’s going on specifically inside of you. But I highly recommend to do that testing, and of course, work with your doctors at the same time, but then also work with the dietician to help you get that testing done, to understand what’s exactly going on in your body, so that you can get a plan tailored specifically to you.

So we ordered some supplements and changed up my diet, incorporated more breathwork into my life, and all that. And I’m till going through the process, but it has significantly improved since working with her, significantly improved. First of all, I’m not bleeding the entire month. I’m not dealing with just this bleeding, this constant bleeding. There was a time where I was – it wasn’t heavy every single day, but I was bleeding every single day for a month at one point.

Megan Gill: Oh, my gosh.

Katie Stone: So I was like, if we could at least just get to the point where I’m just having a period and not like – great! You know, and we got to that point because of the supplements and just understanding that my hormones weren’t communicating properly together, they weren’t working like they should. And so, by getting to that first issue and solving that, I was like, okay, now I can just be a normal person, and just, yes, I’m still gonna have these horrible periods, but at least I’m not dealing with this every single day, you know?

So, yeah. So it just took a matter of just me and my refusal to give up on myself and understand that there’s this intuition in all of us. There is something that you feel inside of you, and from my experience. When I don’t listen to it, it’ll creep back in at some point, and it’s just gonna be like, “Hey, come on. I know you hear me. Are you gonna listen to me? Are you gonna use your brain too much, or are you gonna listen to your heart?” You know? And so, that’s kind of what I’ve been practicing more, just listening to my heart more than trying to brain my way through. Yes, of course, you have to use your brain too, you know? But I think it’s both heavily. Because there were so many times where I thought, “No, I’m just gonna get the surgery. Like, I don’t want to go through this anymore. What if I try all these things and they don’t work? You know, what if I just waste all this time, and I could have just gotten the surgery and been done with it,” and all of that.

There were so many times where I felt that, but again, there was this intuition, and again, my mom that just kept creeping back in and telling me, “Just wait. Just wait a little bit longer. Just try this first and see how you feel.”

And I literally, I think it was today or yesterday where I canceled the surgery appointment finally. It’s off my calendar because I said to myself, “I’m not gonna do it. I’m done. I, for sure, have made up my mind that I’m not going down that route because of the results that I’ve seen so far, and I am just scared as to what that would even look like for me if I did get the surgery, afterward, meaning, you know? Because there’s so much that could come up from that, during and after. So many women have had successful procedures done. I get that. But for me, I’m just listening to my heart and just realizing that that just wasn’t the right path for me, and to just do everything I possibly can to make sure that I feel good and solid about my decision and moving forward.

Megan Gill: I think that, wow, that is extremely profound. And I also just want to point out that you stopped running from your body. You stopped, to me, symbolically getting the surgery and removing this thing from your body is still running, right? And instead, you chose to take the potentially more difficult route and the potentially longer route and to become more embodied and to turn inward, and to really try to figure out going on, and to work with your body and to nurture your body in certain ways, and to give it what’s going to help it function better for you, and to maybe eliminate something that you love so much, but that’s not helping it function in the way that you need it to. And I just think that that is extremely admirable and a really beautiful part of your story.

Katie Stone: Thank you.

Megan Gill: And I just wanted to reflect that back to you. Sitting here listening, I’m like, that’s incredible because it’s sometimes so much easier to just run from the thing and just wipe your hands clean of it, even if it potentially might not have been the ultimate solve, like you were saying, right?

Katie Stone: Yeah.

Megan Gill: So I just really commend you for making the conscious decision to work through this condition and to work with your body and to hold your own hand all the way through it.

Katie Stone: Thank you. I really appreciate you saying that too, because again, when you’re going through all this, it can feel – I mean I know I have a lot of people in my life who care about me and who are supportive and all of that, but it can feel very lonely sometimes just because I am literally the only one who knows exactly what I’m going through and what’s right for me, because I’m the one experiencing it.

Katie Stone is a Los Angeles based model and speaker navigating adenomyosis while building a career that depends on her body. While managing severe pain and bleeding that required four blood transfusions, she pursued conventional medical treatments and gradually incorporated holistic approaches in an effort to better understand her body and find sustainable stability. She speaks about the intersection of chronic illness, identity, and learning to build trust with a body that doesn’t always feel predictable.

Follow Katie’s Journey on Instagram!

A couple of notes to ensure this is a safe space for my guests to share their intimate and vulnerable body image stories in:

• It can be easy to feel alone on your journey of existing in a body. I welcome the connection and support of one another in this space through considerate and curious comments.

• These conversations are quite nuanced, complex, and oftentimes very vulnerable. Remember that everyone has their own body image story, and while someone else’s might look differently than yours, I encourage you to keep an open mind and stay empathetic.

• Thank you for being here. By sharing this type of content, my hope is to inspire personal reflection and cultural questioning. Thank you and supporting me in exploring the effects of our culture’s beauty norms and body standards on human beings existing in today’s world.

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Do you have a friend, family member or peer who might love this too? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about my writing and body image conversations!

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your health providers.

On Saturday, April 4th, 2026, I took my sign, and I headed back to Hermosa. It was a beautiful day, and I had a good feeling about the vibes.

It had been two weeks since I last took my sign out, and I was itching to get back into my community. The Hermosa Pier area is such a high-foot-traffic area on the weekends, and I wanted to see what it would be like to go there mid-day on a Saturday.

I decided to take a Lyft down to my spot, because it was a stunning day out, and I had a feeling there would be zero parking. I was dropped off right near the pier, so I walked on over and decided to stand by the blue clock at the intersection of Pier Ave. and Hermosa Ave.

I knew I would probably get less foot traffic in this location than when I stood at the intersection of the pier and the strand a few weeks back, but that’s all part of the experiment, right?

When I arrived at my location, I held my sign right up and smiled. People were looking at me, reading the sign, but it took a while for anyone to say anything to me.

The first person to respond was a teenage girl on her bike. She yelled over to me and said, “My hair!” to which I replied, “I love it! Thank you for answering!” I always love experiencing the first person to share - bold and brave, and probably don’t even realize how grateful I am to them for being the first person that day to answer my question. It always eases any fear I might have around whether people will take to my sign or not.

Next, a gentleman from an art booth 50 or so feet away came over and asked what I was doing. He replied, “My positive energy,” and asked what mine was. I said, “My ability to feel so deeply.”

And soon enough, more and more people were stopping by to ask what I was up to and answer my question.

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I took some time after my time on the street to reflect after the experience and wrote down those that I remembered most:

“What’s Your Favorite Thing About Your Body?”

LOCATION: Pier Ave. x Hermosa Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA

DATE: Saturday, April 4th, 2026

TIME: 2:00-5:00pm

Answers I heard:

• My nose

• My smile

• My legs

• My eyes

• My feet

• My heart

• My brain

• My hair

• My lips

• My hands

• “Bum and boobs”

• My ass

• My ears

• My dark skin

• That it housed my baby

• That I can think

• That I can hike up a mountain

• Its ability to heal itself

• Everything

The theme that stuck out to me the most:

• So many women said their boobs or butt. Pop off, QUEENS!

• The number of people who continue to say their brain just blows me away.

First-Time Responses:

• My birthmark

• My stomach

• My pancreas

Powerful responses that stood out:

• One woman donated a kidney to her dad, who’d since passed on. And she got a tattoo over it.

• One guy said, “The abs I can’t see yet.”

• A man said, “All of my really good scars.”

• One man, upon seeing my sign, gave a physical reaction and stopped over to answer. He said his curls — he had beautiful, tight curly hair — because he’d hated them for 26 years, and now they’re his favorite part.

• A younger guy said his heart. He asked me mine. Then we exchanged a hug.

• A visibly drunk guy said, “My face. Duh. Hello.”

• A guy said their heart because without it, we wouldn’t get blood to our brain.

• Dominic, a man with a skateboard and a heart monitor, stopped over enamored with my question. He said he can’t believe more people weren’t surrounding me to answer because we live in LA, and everyone here loves their bodies. He said his was the fact that he’s still here. He has a heart condition that limits his activity, but he’s been on a new medication and has been able to do more - like skateboarding and going in the ocean this day. He tried to rally people over to answer, and it was really kind.

Various groups that approached me:

• I saw my friends Justine and Kyle! Justine said her smile, and Kyle said his eyes. It’s been SO MUCH FUN running into friends while out with my sign. Justine invited me to go watch the Arizona basketball game with them when I was done. (More on that later.)

• A mom and her two kids came over. Her daughter waved hello, and the mom asked what her favorite thing was. She said, “My legs because I can move like this!” and proceeded to run in place. It was adorable. Her brother said his hips because they allow him to move too.

• Two older women strolled over to answer. One said her height, and her friend said, “That’s my favorite thing about you too, her height! My favorite thing about my best friend’s body is her height.” It was a lovely exchange.

• A group of 6 guys approached me, and one guy said his eyes because, despite them being small, he can see through people. Another one said his forehead - more room for brains. The group of friends was lightly making fun of each other for their answers, but it got them all talking and thinking.

• A group of 4 women approach me to answer - two of them said their legs, one said her eyes, and the fourth couldn’t think of one. So her friends helped her out. She ended up saying her hair, which has had BEAUTIFUL, thick hair. I loved witnessing her friends brainstorm things they liked about her body, so she could maybe start to see herself in a new light.

• I met two friends who had just recently met. They were visiting from the Midwest, and I had a Chicago hat on. We bonded over that. But they both loved the sign. The guy, Andy, said his brain, and Gllian said, “My legs - they help me run.”

• Two dudes skated over to ask what I was doing. One guy answered his tonuge - because he speaks Spanish and can roll his R’s. His friend said that he has 8% body fat.

Stand out words of encouragement:

• A gentleman told me that it was very noble and brave of me to be doing something good in this world. He explained the biblical references of John the Baptist getting his head cut off and Jesus being nailed to a cross for trying to push back and do good things. And though the world needs people to go against the status quo, we may not always win from it, which only added more fuel to my fire of continuing to do this work.

• Someone noticed me from his friend being in one of my videos! That was SO cool.

• Someone asked if I struggled with body image, and we had a brief exchange about how they do too, and how it’s such a universal experience.

Patterns I noticed:

• Parents asking their kids happens a lot, and it’s always beautiful to hear the kids’ answers.

• There was a lot of humor this day, and I am so here for it.

I have endless gratitude to those who yelled their answers from afar, who answered in quick passing, and who stopped over to chat and share with me more in-depth. This has proved to be an extremely powerful question to ask the people of my community - strangers and friends alike. I keep telling people, “This is your question to answer,” and it’s been incredible to listen to how people interpret it in such different and beautiful ways.

My chosen place to reflect: Surfer Girl at Sea Sprite Beach Club, Hermosa Beach, CA

I arrived around 5:15pm, with my sign in tow. When I walked in, the bartender kind of looked over at my like, “Why does that girl have a sign,” which I thought was hilarious. And I snagged a perfect spot at the bar in the sun and ordered a beverage. I opened my notebook to debrief.

I stopped by the bathroom before heading to meet my friends, and on my way out, a woman stopped me and said she saw me earlier at the pier. She asked about my sign, we chatted for a bit, and she mentioned she used to be a ballet dancer. She then asked how she can contribute to my work! It was such a wonderful moment. I gave her the options, and she decided she wants to record a conversation with me. So stay tuned!!

The After-Party:

I, then, went to meet Justine, Kyle, and our group of friends at a bar for the Arizona basketball game. I told them I’d have my sign and notebook with me, and they saved me a spot next to a wall to prop it up. When our friend Jack arrived, he grabbed my sign and went to ask his friends. This transpired into me asking random people at the bar what their favorite thing about their body is. I even met a few people who said they’d recognized me, from my cheetah pants and red t-shirt, as being the girl holding the sign earlier. One couple asked what the sign read. I told them. The woman, Anna, replied, “My ability to care so much.” And I started tearing up right there at the bar. Shortly after, a man replied his d*ck, but that’s to be expected at a bar, am I right?

Needless to say, I’m getting ~*iDeAs*~ for new places to bring my sign. And I’m looking forward to expanding the experiment. I truly am having the best time with it, and I cannot wait to continue to explore this to see where it takes us!

My favorite thing about my body that day was my ability to feel so deeply. I’m very sensitive and in tune with my emotions. And that feels like a superpower!

I’ll leave you with this: What’s your favorite thing about your body?

❤️‍🔥Megan

If you want to be a part of the conversation… either reach out to me via email at themegangill@gmail.com to schedule a conversation or fill out this form to share your body image story anonymously.

Do you have a friend, family member, or peer who might want to be part of the conversation? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about Continued Conversations

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your healthcare providers.

I took my sign to the Manhattan Beach Pier this a few Sundays ago, and here’s what happened.

I’d hit an area in Redondo. I’d hit an area in Hermosa. Next up was Manhattan, and for some reason, I was extra nervous for this one.

I had to really talk myself into getting out to Manhattan Beach. I didn’t have a clear plan on where I wanted to stand. I was tired from a weekend of festivities. And I didn’t know if I’d have it in me to take my sign out this day. But I convinced myself to muster up the courage and energy to go.

I drove in circles around the Manhattan Beach Pier looking for parking. It took me 20 minutes or so to find a (drumroll please) freeee parking spot a few blocks up from the beach. I grabbed my sign and headed towards the pier. It took me so long to find parking that I had to quickly detour to find a restroom before standing for 2+ hours near the pier.

When I arrived at the area I wanted to stand in, I almost immediately saw my good friend Brian and his friend Jay, whom I’d never met before.

It was calming to my system to see a friend so quickly and reminded me that I was in the right place at the right time.

Today was a male-heavy day. Between Brian and Jay, the next few people to approach me were male-presenting.

The first woman to approach me was a girlie in her 20s/30s or so. She said her favorite thing used to be her legs, and now it’s her eyes. But she’s trying to appreciate her belly because it’s changing and growing as she ages. I let her know I, myself, am working every day to appreciate my belly as well, and that she’s not alone in that quest. It was inspiring to me because she was in a bikini with a fun head scarf on, and the fact that she answered her belly, while allowing her belly to be see by others, was powerful.

Overall, the day was a hit. It’s amazing how receptive people are to this question. Of course, there will always be those who walk past me without acknowledgement, but that’s to be expected. The interactions I have with people that truly feel life-changing make the discomfort of those who choose not to answer worth it ten times over.

After my sign time, I went to a local brewery to reflect on the experience and wrote down those that I remembered most:

“What’s Your Favorite Thing About Your Body?”

LOCATION: Manhattan Beach Pier

DATE: March 22nd, 2026

TIME: 2:00-4:45pm

Answers I heard:

• My physique

• My ass/booty

• My eyes

• My nose

• My hair

• My hands

• My feet

• “Everything!”

• My belly

• My mind

• My boobs

• My smile

• My brain

• My face

• My shoulders

• My lips

• My pinky finger

• My head

The theme that stuck out to me the most:

• How many people said their eyes or their face.

Special responses that stood out:

• A 13-year-old and her mom came over and waited for me to be done chatting with some other people to talk. The mom said, “You know you’re doing something right when your 13-yo daughter wants to come over and answer this question.” They said they both had the same answer initially, but the mom chose another. She said her height, that she used to hate it but has grown to appreciate it because she can see over crowds. Her daughter said her favorite thing about her body was strength and capability. Then, the mom said she also loves her eyes because, though her mom recently passed on, she still sees her when she looks in the mirror. (To which, I cried.)

• I told one gentleman my response to my own question, and he said, “Talk about practicing what you preach!”

• At one point, someone had their window rolled down and was shouting at me from the parking lot. I stepped closer to find it was my good friend Veronica! She shouted, “My favorite thing about your body is me on top of you!” Ha, I love her. Very on-brand response from her. She snapped a pic of me before driving away.

• “My Obama ears.”

• A bald guy asked me what mine was. I said my hair. He took off his hat, pointed to his bald head, and said, “Mine too!”

• A woman came over to me and said hers used to be her hair, but she’s gotten older now. She then started to open up about how she’s facing adversities and discrimination with her landlord for being an older, disabled woman. She told me how she took it to court and tried to fight it, but didn’t end up winning. (This is a huge part of the problem with our current system, by the way.) I asked if I could hug her and told her I’d be thinking about her, sending goodness her way, and that I had a feeling things would start to turn around soon. I’m so glad she stopped to talk and share her story.

First-Time Responses:

• My immune system

• My belly button

• My aura

Various groups that approached me:

• Two girls came over early on. They both said their eyes. One friend turned to the other and said, “Yeah, but I love everything about you.”

• Early on, three women came over to me. One woman blurted out her eyes and said that was the first thing that came to her, and that she never thought she’d have said that as her favorite thing. The other woman with her was almost in tears, saying she felt like it was meant to be to run into me and my sign today. She expressed that the three of them had spent time talking about their bodies earlier that day during brunch, but not in the nicest of ways. She asked to take a photo with me and said she was going to send it to her daughter. Her favorite thing about her body that day was her décolletage.

• Two younger girlies (about high-school age) approached me to answer. One said her hair, the other said her eyes. They then chatted for a bit and said they’d be back with more friends. Their friends came and answered their nose, their hair, and their hair. I told the two girls that my hope through this project is to remind everyone, especially girls their age, to speak kindly to their bodies.

Stand out words of encouragement:

• A woman running stopped to tell me that she really appreciated what I was doing. She said, “If you see something good in someone, tell them.” So she told me she thought it was wonderful that I was out there with my sign asking that question. Her favorite thing about her body was her arms.

Patterns I noticed:

• There was a bit of pushback on my question this day. Fun!

  • One woman asked me what mine was. To which I replied my hair. She said, “That doesn’t count!” I explained why it does, and that anything can go here with my question. She said, “We’re 60 (her and the man she was with), so we’re just grateful to be alive.”

  • Another man who was a vet said, “Well, you have two bodies - the physical and the spiritual.” He’s not wrong.

• A common explanation I kept getting as to why this was the people’s answer was: “It’s what gets complimented the most.”

• The amount of people walking past that I noticed turned to their partner or friend or the person they were with and said, “What’s your favorite thing about your body?” was, yet again, so incredible to see. This will never get old. It’s such an interesting experience to watch people look at my sign and smile, or look at my sign and ask the person next to them what their favorite thing about their body is.

I find myself so grateful for those vulnerable enough to stop over and chat with me this day. Thank you for being brave and for continuing the body image conversation with a stranger (me!).

My chosen place to reflect: Culture Brewing Company, Manhattan Beach, CA

I dropped my sign at my car and exchanged it for my notebook. I went straight to Culture to debrief my day over a beer. There, I saw my friend (and beertender) Ria and told her what I was up to. Then I asked my friend (and beertender) Junior what his favorite thing about his body was, to which he replied, “My hair. I’d never thought about that before.” Such a powerful moment.

My favorite thing about my body that day was my hair. I used to dye it and straighten my waves. But I now love my natural color, and I’m trying to embrace the natural texture too.

Per usual, stay tuned for more of this! I’m inspired by what I’ve experienced so far in standing out with my sign, and I cannot wait to continue on with this experiment.

I’ll leave you with this: What’s your favorite thing about your body?

❤️‍🔥Megan

Do you have a friend, family member or peer who might love this too? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about my writing and body image conversations!

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your healthcare providers.

Everyone please welcome Alena Acker to A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations! Alena is another wonderful actor and human that I met through Amy McNabb’s The Spark Membership, and I was so thrilled to sit down and chat with her. I’m so grateful to Alena for her kind heart and vulnerability in our conversation to share some opposing ideas when it comes to body image and general health, prevention, and wellbeing, in hopes that it reaches someone who needs to hear it. Alena also shares a pretty incredible perspective on being a fat actor and hoping to be the representation for others that she needed when she was younger. I know you’re going to enjoy hearing about her body image story, and just get ready to soak in all of the wisdom she shares in our conversation.

In our conversation, we discuss…

• Reclaiming the word “fat” and not demonizing it

• Weight cycling and the impacts of the generational weight loss cycle

• Alena’s choice to stop dieting and accept her body after experiencing the loss of her dad

• The tie between Alena’s acceptance of herself and her acting career taking off

• Being the representation on screen that she needed when she was a kid (that we ALL needed when we were kids)

• The inundation of cultural ideals we’re almost brainwashed by

• The nuance of accepting your body now, in this moment, and still taking the steps to prevent predisposition to heart disease by way of GLP-1

• The fear, as an actor, of your body and appearance drastically changing, and how that could affect your career

• Doing what is best for you and your body, and trusting yourself when it comes to knowing what’s best

I cannot wait for you to hear our conversation!

Subscribe now

Below is a text insert of our conversation that stuck with me, starting at around the 1-minute & 52-second mark:

Alena Acker: It’s interesting. When I was younger, people would say, “Oh, you’re not fat,” or “You’re not that fat.” And what they meant was “You’re not a bad person. I don’t think that you’re lazy or undisciplined or bad,” because those are often – or at least back then in the eighties and nineties, especially, those were things that came along with the word fat. So yeah, it’s one of those things where I’m I think it’s okay to be fat, and I think it’s okay to say that you’re fat. And that it, yeah, just shouldn’t be negative.

Megan Gill: Right. I absolutely agree with you. I saw this post recently about the belly and how it’s also demonized in a similar sense. Whereas, if you have a soft belly and if you have a soft body in general, that you are seen as weak or not disciplined enough. And it’s very much still a theme today. As deep as it went, in the nineties and early two thousands, it’s no, it’s still present here with us today. Yeah.

Alena Acker: It is. Yeah, it is. It feels we’re in a rough moment with this right now because it did seem I don’t know, a few years ago, five, ten years ago, this movement – at least in my perception of things – it seemed oh, there’s this movement that’s really gathering steam, that’s all about body positivity and body diversity and, you know, being able to love yourself and your body regardless of the size and shape of it. Now it feels we’re sort of, I don’t know, regressing a little bit, and we’re in a moment where it seems there’s a big moment that’s sort of trying to get rid of all the diversity in our country. It’s really, really sad. It’s really awful. And, you know, I think body diversity is, you know, a part of that too.

Megan Gill: I absolutely agree, and it is really scary. We are in trying times, and it’s sad because, in terms of body liberation, it’s like we have come so far, and yet we aren’t able to fully live freely within that because, here we are again, yet having to fight back at the patriarchy and fight back here and fight back there. The conversation’s being had because we’re still in the cycle of the fight instead of just being able to live, which is frustrating because it did feel like, for so long, within the last span of ten years, I’d say, and during the pandemic body positivity and body neutrality were becoming such big important liberating movements and now it’s just hard to see it…

Alena Acker: And it was so inspiring for me to see younger people than myself, because I’m middle-aged, you know, just really embracing and sharing these ideas and being like, “Oh, wow. What a different and wonderful way to think,” and it helped me to sort of look at and face some of my own internalized fatphobia, you know? So yeah. So it’s a real bummer that we’re kind of in, you know, one of those sort of valleys of the fight, I guess. You know, things go up and down, and it feels like we’re in a bit of a down spot right now, which is rough.

Megan Gill: Yeah, absolutely. As an actor, I’m curious, as someone who is using your body as your instrument onstage, on screen, probably daily in auditions, and just having it be such a forefront of your life’s work in that sense and your career, I am curious – and this is also kind of a convoluted question here – but how your relationship to your body has influenced your work and your career and your journey as an actor?

Alena Acker: Yeah, what a wonderful question. I’m going to take it way back to when I was a kid, because I kind of always knew I wanted to be an actor. It was like I was taken to the touring company production of Cats as a 6-year-old, and I was like, “Hold on. Are you telling me there’s a job where you can act like a cat, and people come and watch you do it and applaud that? Sign me up!” You know, “This is definitely what I want.” But as a young person, I really only focused on theater. I really only thought I could do theater because I just didn’t see hardly any women, especially with my body type, on screen. So it was just, it was I thought these were facts. I was like, “Oh, well, I can’t do film or TV because fat people can’t be on film or TV, so I’m gonna do theater!” And, you know, it didn’t even occur to me at that point that it was a possibility. And, you know, weight has, has kind of always been a part of my life.

My mom put me in a kid’s – I’m getting emotional thinking about this. She put me in a kid’s weight loss program when I was 12 years old. And I’m someone who has weight cycled about five different times in my life, so what I mean by that is I would lose a significant amount of my body weight, let’s say 20-25%, and then gain it back, you know, and then lose it again, and then gain it back. And so, you know, it started at that super young age, and you know, my mom had her own struggles with this, and she was doing what she thought was the best thing for me to help me, you know, to help my health, to help me perhaps not make what she perceived as mistakes that she had made.

And I’m also a lifelong vegetarian. I was a really picky eater as a child, so I think she was also just like – she kind of was like, “What do I feed this kid? I don’t know how to –.” She just kind of didn’t know what to do. And luckily for us, we’ve since had conversations in adulthood where I’ve said, “I need to know that I am okay no matter my weight and no matter the size and shape of my body. That I know you were trying to help me. But what you did was make me feel there was something fundamentally wrong with me.” And that’s, you know, that’s a very harmful thing for a person to feel. And, you know, I can only imagine how much worse it is when you’re at the intersection of if you’re fat and queer and a black or brown person. It’s not great to grow up thinking that you have this deep, deep flaw.

So it was something that I, you know, just didn’t even think about film or TV. My body’s been many different shapes and sizes and weights over the years, but after coming to New York, I started to find a little bit more success in that on-camera world. And I think the industry also just started to open up in those years, and you started to see more people with a wider variety of shapes and sizes. And so, it was like, “Oh, oh, this is something I could do.”

Megan Gill: Wow. Yeah.

Alena Acker: And I eventually reached a point where I started to feel like, you know what?

I’m okay the way that I am. And that, you know, comes from a lot of therapy, a lot of talking to other friends who are fat, just learning, experiencing things.

But I got to a point, I had lost a bunch of weight again in like 2019, and then in 2021, my dad passed away. And it was during the experience of that happening that I gained the weight back because it was it stressful, and nobody wants to sit there and count calories when someone very important to you is dying.

Megan Gill: Wow, yeah.

Alena Acker: And so, it was after that point that I was like I’m done. I’m done with diets. I’m done losing weight and gaining it back again. This is just gonna be it, and what I’m really gonna work on now just accepting who I am no matter what, you know, and sort of unpacking what have these feelings from youth about myself and about having something wrong with myself, just where do they come from and why are they there, and when are they popping up, and how can I reframe them for myself. And so, I really got to this point where I was like I don’t care about that anymore. I can have confidence. I can love myself. It’s normal for a person’s body to change over the course of their life. And I started to see my career take off a little bit more at that point.

So I started booking more commercials, and I got this role in an off-Broadway play. It was a revival of Tennessee Williams’ The Night of the Iguana. And in this play, I had to wear a 1930s, 1940s-style bathing suit onstage for pretty much the entire time. And I felt okay about it, you know? It was really – it was so cool. I was like just like, “Oh, yeah!” And I have, you know, this cellulite on my thighs, and I’m running around. And part of what made that okay for me is that I was like this character does not care. This character gives zero fucks about what anybody else thinks of her. I’m playing a pair of obnoxious tourists, so it was really fun to play this role where she’s just laughing maniacally and running around and driving everybody nuts and just wearing this bathing suit. And it was, I mean, an incredible experience for many reasons.

I got to work with some of my heroes and get to know them, and I now get to call them friends. And these two wonderful actresses who I really think I was put in that dressing room with them because they are both so unapologetic and so wonderful at standing up for themselves. So that was a really wonderful experience. And one of the things that has helped me a lot when I have these moments, because we all have a moment, you know, when you are in a TV show, when you’re on a commercial, you’re not controlling the camera angles, you know? It’s not your own personal Instagram where you’re you know, doing your poses, working your angles. You get to pick out, you know, the best. And even with headshots and things, you get to pick the ones that you before you share them with people to help you decide. So we all have these moments of, “Oh, god, is that what I look like?” Or, “Oh…”

Megan Gill: Yeah, and not to mention when you’re seeing yourself reflected on camera, which, what’s the age-old trope? “The camera adds ten pounds,” or whatever people wanna say, you know?

Alena Acker: Right, I mean, it’s a flattening of a three-dimensional being into two dimensions. So you’re gonna look – it also can feel weird to us to hear our voice recorded back, to sort of see things in this different way than they go on from – than they feel in our own bodies, you know?

Megan Gill: Yeah. Right, yeah.

Alena Acker: But the thing that has really helped me in those moments is to remember that we want to show all of humanity in our TV shows, on our commercials, in the art that we make. That it’s we want to represent everyone, or at least I think the best art that’s out there does that.

Megan Gill: I agree.

Alena Acker: And so, if I’m like, “Oh my god, had no idea I had so many chins,” I can say to myself, “What if there’s somebody out there who sees this, and for a minute, they feel like, “Oh, well that lady on that commercial looks me, so maybe I’m not so bad,” or “So maybe it’s fine,” or “Maybe the way I look is normal,” you know? There could be someone out there who’s excited see me on camera. There could be somebody out there – thankfully, I don’t think it’s quite the way it was when I was a kid, but in a way, I get to be that person that I didn’t really see –

Megan Gill: Oh, that you needed!

Alena Acker: – when I was little. You know?

Megan Gill: Oh, my god, yeah.

Alena Acker: So that feels really exciting to get to represent people who may feel underrepresented in media or to get to reflect back to someone something that feels, you know, representative of them. That’s really exciting. And so, that’s been a really powerful reframe for me is just being able to, anytime I catch myself in one of those moments, be like, “Well, somebody’s gonna feel happy to see someone who looks like me exactly as I look in this particular frame, in this particular project.

Megan Gill: Yeah. That’s so powerful. And someone’s gonna feel seen in seeing you in this way, which is…

Alena Acker: Exactly, exactly.

Megan Gill: Ah, and just even hearing you say that you are being the person on camera, or on screen, who you little-you needed to see. And I think that sometimes the reframes are just so needed to pull us out of our own heads too and to just remind us why we’re doing this thing in the first place.

Alena Acker: Yeah.

Megan Gill: Because it’s so easy – especially when our bodies are the forefront of our work. It’s so easy to – I know from experience, as well, being an actor. We hyper-fixate, over-obsess about what we look like and try to control every little thing, and it’s hard to let go of control and to accept and to say, “Nope. Yep, I I’m gonna show up –.” I’m in my mid-thirties, but I am really, really trying to not give into Botox, so I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, no, it’s okay,” seeing my crow’s feet and my forehead wrinkles. I just got headshots taken a couple weeks ago and got ‘em back, and I was like, “Wow, never seen these forehead wrinkles,” the way I had in that shoot. But I’m doing a similar reframe as you like, yes, no, but for me, and for my mission as an actor, this is good because this is what happens when you age. This is normal for someone in her mid-thirties to have them. We’re gonna roll with it because that’s what we’re doing right now for us. That might not work for somebody else, but yeah, the reframe is really powerful, so thank you for sharing that.

Alena Acker: Yeah, because it’s like how can we get to a point where people feel less pressure to do these things unless they can see an example of what it is, too.

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Alena Acker: And these kinds of decisions are up to people as individuals and what they need to do, but I do feel it’s like people need to know what the alternative looks like. These sort of brainwashing “ideals” that we are inundated with.

Megan Gill: Yes. And what’s interesting is that the way in which we are inundated with them is via the media, and yet here we are in the media trying to counteract that. So it’s just this interesting opposition and nuance that we’re holding here with wow, it all exists under the umbrella of the media. But also I do think it’s really cool and powerful, as actors, to be able to show up in that way and to kind of try to fight back and counteract all of that brainwashing. If we can do anything here during our time as artists, how cool is that, right?

Alena Acker: I mean, I think it’s very cool.

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Alena Acker: And so, it’s interesting though, because I do have a little bit of a curve ball for you.

Megan Gill: Okay, great.

Alena Acker: All of this kind of said. So I’ve gotten to this place where I’m like all right, I can represent people, and I can be happy about that and proud of that. And I can accept my body the way it is now, in this moment, and accept myself for who I am and love myself. And it’s always, I think, gonna be an ongoing thing of remembering to do that, remembering that it’s like, “Okay, I love me. I’m okay the way I am.” You need those reminders. It’s not like you just become cured.

Megan Gill: Yeah, it’s ongoing work, for sure.

Alena Acker: It is ongoing work. But my curve ball is this, which is that a few months ago I found out that I have a genetic predisposition for heart disease. So it’s called Lipoprotein(a). It’s a subfactor of your LDL cholesterol, or a sub-particle, and it’s sticky. So it sticks to your your blood vessels, and it makes you more likely to develop cardiovascular disease, heart disease, stroke, heart attack, you know, things like that, which are serious concerns. Because heart disease kills more people in our country than all the cancers combined each year.

So I found this out, and I saw a cardiologist, and he was like, “So this is a thing that, at this point in medicine, there’s nothing we can do about. There are no medicines or therapies that can change this thing.” And so, when you have this, you really need to attack your other risk factors. And so, he and I, after much discussion and debate, decided to put me on a GLP-1, which I’ve been on for about six weeks now. So this has been a very – it was a really difficult decision. And, you know, this is something where I don’t feel that people have to justify these decisions to anyone.

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Alena Acker: But the reason that I wanna go through it or explain it is that maybe it’ll help somebody else. And I just feel like that’s a pretty hard left turn, right, to go from, “I’m great at any weight,” to “And now I’m taking this weight-loss drug.”

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Alena Acker: And I was just sort of like, “Oh, my god. Do I want to do this? Is this a betrayal now, then, of fat people that I love in my life, the women and people that I’m representing on screen?” it really felt like – I’m like I’ve just gotten to this place where I feel cool, and now I’m gonna change my body again? It was really tough. And it brings up all these things around, well, am I gonna book fewer roles because I’ve sort of experienced this career uptick at a higher weight, and is that gonna affect the way people cast me and the way people see me and all of the little, logistical – you know, I’m gonna need new headshots, and when am I gonna tell my reps.

Megan Gill: All the things.

Alena Acker: Even stuff as wild as I shot this pilot, a small role, a couple of scenes in a pilot back in October, and I don’t know if it’s gonna be picked up to series, and I don’t know if I will be invited back if it does get picked up to series, but I could, because my character is in the workplace of one of the main characters. And so, it’s this thing of, “What if they ask me back, and I look completely different, and then I lose the opportunity because of that?” I really was just sort of spiraling out about how much this is going to change, or could change things. But, ultimately, I just felt this is something I need to do for my health. It’s something where I want to be around for a long time, and I want to be able to tell these stories. And if my body becomes different, then it’s just, you know, a different body type that I’m representing. And I’ve always felt like sort of a weirdo and an oddball, and I still get to represent the weirdos and oddballs in the world at any weight.

It’s been an interesting challenge because we think of loving ourself at any weight or any shape or any size as having more to do with if we get larger, if we get older, you know? But it’s like if you’re gonna do it, then you have to do it all the way, no matter what direction your body changes in.

Megan Gill: Right. Which is hard work, regardless.

Alena Acker: Yeah, it’s an interesting position that I find myself in.

Alena Acker is a New York-based actor who often plays characters that seem ordinary at first but are surprisingly complex once you dive deeper. She’s the shy nerd who stands up for herself, the wacky teacher who might actually teach you something, the pious innocent who’s anything but.

TV credits include NBC’s Law and Order, HBO Max’s And Just Like That (The Sex and the City Reboot) and the upcoming FX Pilot Disinherited from Better Call Saul Showrunner Peter Gould.

She has graced international stages performing in plays and musicals - favorite credits include The Off Broadway Revival of Tennessee Williams’ The Night of the Iguana at the Signature Theatre, starring Tim Daly, Daphne Rubin-Vega and Lea DeLaria, directed by Emily Mann; as well as Drama Desk nominated the Ryan Case 1973 and the role of Typhoid Mary in The Trial of Typhoid Mary with Live-In Theater. She also performed at the Gyeonggi English Village theme park in South Korea, delighting family audiences as a clumsy witch, a cheerful unicorn, a menacing pirate and everything in between.

LA Comedy Festival, the NY Fringe Festival, UCB and the PIT audiences know her from Mother Eve’s Secret Garden of Sensual Sisterhood, a musical self-help satire in which she played Rhododendron, a timid woman with low self-esteem who gains confidence and learns to love herself–not without plenty of laughs along the way.

Alena has performed her original character comedy with Characters Welcome, at The PIT and at Second City NYC and has appeared in numerous commercials for well-known brands.

A graduate of the University of Michigan with a double major in Theatre and German Language and Literature, she spent her junior year abroad and speaks fluent German.

Alena lives with her husband and cat Sophie and is a New York City triathlon finisher.

Follow Alena on Instagram

Check out her IMdB

A couple of notes to ensure this is a safe space for my guests to share their intimate and vulnerable body image stories in:

• It can be easy to feel alone on your journey of existing in a body. I welcome the connection and support of one another in this space through considerate and curious comments.

• These conversations are quite nuanced, complex, and oftentimes very vulnerable. Remember that everyone has their own body image story, and while someone else’s might look differently than yours, I encourage you to keep an open mind and stay empathetic.

• Thank you for being here. By sharing this type of content, my hope is to inspire personal reflection and cultural questioning. Thank you and supporting me in exploring the effects of our culture’s beauty norms and body standards on human beings existing in today’s world.

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Do you have a friend, family member or peer who might love this too? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about my writing and body image conversations!

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your health providers.

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Continued Conversations: Anonymous Body Image Stories

In continuing the body image conversation through intimate, recorded, one-on-one chats, I’ve had some express their desire to share their story without publicly being tied to it. And so, I created Continued Conversations: Anonymous Body Image Stories!

HOW WILL THIS WORK?

It’s a fairly simple process: Fill out this form!

Please feel free to include as much or as little of your story as you’d like. It’s up to you what information you feel comfortable sharing.

I’ll then take the information you provide on the form and share it in a Substack post. It will be a direct share from whatever you choose to enter into the form.

Does it have to be anonymous? No! If you’d like to include your name, please do. If you’d like to remain anonymous, that is welcome too. This is meant to be just another way to continue the body image conversation on this platform.

I want to offer those who may not want to be publicly tied to their stories, a platform to still share and impact our audience without having to divulge so much of themselves online.

HOW WILL THIS CHANGE CONTINUED CONVERSATIONS ON SUBSTACK?

Don’t worry, I’ll still be sharng one post per week (minimum) with you! These will include…

• My bi-weekly recorded conversation about body image

• A recap of the “What’s Your Favorite Thing About Your Body?” series in my community

• An anonymous body image story share online

• From time to time, a personal essay about my own experience in my own body

It’s my goal to turn this space into a little corner of the internet where the conversation about body image is being continued in various ways - one-on-one, in my community, anonymously, through myself - by a wide collective of human beings. I believe this conversation must include a multitude of perspectives and lived experiences.

HOW TO HELP SPREAD THE WORD?

Please, please, please share this with your friends, your family, anyone you think might be interested in sharing their body image story in this way, on this forum.

While I will be verbally telling people, in my life and online, about this addition to Continued Conversations, this project has spread by word of mouth so far, and I’d love to continue to be connected with people that way as well. I would be so grateful if you’d share with anyone you think will be willing to respond.

Thank you for being here, and I’m excited to keep continuing conversations about body image with all of you!

In body healing,

Megan ❤️‍🔥

Do you have a friend, family member or peer who might love this too? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about my writing and body image conversations!

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your healthcare providers.

I was so inspired by what I’d experienced on my first day out with my sign in South Redondo, that I had to take to another location.

The act of standing along a public walkway, holding a sign that says, “What’s your favorite thing about your body?” was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. The feeling that lingered after that day told me this was something I needed to keep doing. So this past Friday, I took my sign, and I went to the Hermosa Beach Pier.

I parked a bit far from the pier, grabbed my sign, and headed to my spot. I wanted to stand at the cross-section of the pier to get the most foot traffic. I knew this was going to be different - a new vibe, a new crowd, a new energy. And I was right.

When I arrived at the area I wanted to stand in… I was, again, nervous. My heart pounding as I raised my sign up in front of me.

The people sitting on Hennessy’s bar patio across the way from me looked over. One man pointed to his head, insinuating his brain. I smiled.

Like the first day, it didn’t take people long to approach me.

The first two men strolled over, one saying his “thing” was his favorite thing, to which his friend replied, “You can’t think of a better answer than that?! My brain. Without my brain, nothing else functions.” We all exchanged some laughs about the comedic answer coupled with the very serious analytical answer, while the next gentleman came over to share: “This heart. It does a lot of things for our body.” The first two gentlemen biked off, and he and I chatted for a bit longer before embarking on the rest of his 20-mile run that day.

From there, a younger gentleman, Axel, came up with a camera, asking if he could photograph me - an honor. [He took the below photo on the right, and sent it to me after.]

Clusters of people approached to chat. So many groups of younger kids on their e-bikes stopped by to answer. It was an incredible evening. Read on for my reflection on the experience and what I remembered most.

“What’s Your Favorite Thing About Your Body?”

LOCATION: Hermosa Beach Pier

DATE: Friday, March 13th

TIME: 4:30-8:00pm

Answers I heard:

• My calves

• My eyes

• My physique

• My back

• My legs

• My hair (curls)

• My face

• My nose

• My shoulders

• My fingernails (because they’re long and hard - a dick joke? We’ll never know)

• My smile

• My personality

• My teeth

• My belly

• My strength

• My height (a tall woman)

• My height (a short woman)

• My little toe ( a different man than the first day - ha!)

• That it works

The theme that stuck out to me the most:

• How many people said their legs or their smile.

The first few people to approach me:

• Male-presenting

Special responses that stood out:

• Mom asked twin sons, and their responses were: “My brain” and “My heart.”

• Women walking by *smacking their butts* (this happened multiple times, it was incredible)

• Older man: “It used to be my hair, but now I’m losing it.“ We had a conversation about what his second favorite thing was - I wouldn’t let him get away without finding something he liked.

• A woman: “My butt tattoo.”

• A woman: “My belly piercing.”

• A younger man said his eyelashes. He said something along the lines of growing up, women would compliment them and tell him how beautiful they were. And how he didn’t care or understand why at the time, but now he loves them.

• Woman: “I can do my first non-girl push-up!”

• Woman: “My boobs - they helped me get my husband!”

Powerful responses of learning to accept what was once disliked:

• A man said his body hair - that he used to be insecure about it and not like it. But it’s actually pretty great.

• Another man said his “big ole schnoz” - that he, too, used to hate it, but he’s grown to love it.

[^ These were two of the most powerful responses of the day, by a long shot.]

Various groups that approached me:

• Two sisters and their daughters - one of the sisters said how needed this is, and how nobody is speaking about the experience of being an aging female, that there’s not enough talk about it, not enough information out there about it.

• A big group of parents and kids who took to my question, all answering it, and also ended up taking a group picture with me (so sweet).

• Mom and young girl: Young girl said, “Are you filming?” I said, “No, I’m not.” Her mom said, “Ok, is that it, sweetie? Let’s go.” I said, “What’s yours?” The young girl said, “My lips… and my eyes.” Her mom said, “Ok, let’s go.” - Such a fascinating interaction to witness. The mom was open enough to let her come ask me a question. And the young girl was so receptive to the question, while mom didn’t answer and wanted to keep moving along. There’s so much in this. I’m still sitting with it.

Stand out words of encouragement:

• A 60-year-old woman (she revealed her age to me) said, “My smile and the fact that my body is always changing. It took me way too long to figure that out,” what her favorite thing was. “So I’m glad you’re out here with this question.”

Patterns I noticed:

• People walking in pairs would see my sign, I’d see them mouth, “What’s your favorite thing about your body?” to the person they were walking with, and they’d engage in conversation. It was getting people talking, even if not directly to me. (How cool is that?)

• Groups of younger kids were more apt to stop by than adults. I had quite a few groups of kids on bikes come over to answer my question. It was fascinating that they seemed to be so receptive, turning to ask the friends they were with what their favorite thing about their own body was.

• A lot of the time, older people answer what their favorite thing used to be, or they speak to their experience of aging and what it’s like to start to lose muscle, mobility, and strength. This is another facet of our bodies that not many people are addressing, so it was an honor to hold space for these types of responses, and I’m so grateful multiple people opened up to me about their struggle/experience with this.

• A few younger women came up to express their thoughts about what I was doing, and we’d hug before they carried on with their evenings. Nothing beats girlhood.

I also saw a few friends! Jack stopped by - his favorite thing being his red beard, just in time for St. Patty’s Day. And I saw my friend Carl, who stopped to chat. He told me that, more often than not, he has a hard time seeing the good in himself. And then the most unexpected and magical thing happened:

My friend Halle came over (she just started a Substack - go subscribe!). She was at the pier having dinner, had seen my Instagram story, and came to find me and say hi. We got to chatting about how we share the same commercial/print agency (Evolve Artists Agency), and not two minutes later, our wonderful agent, Taylor, came over. Like… what?!

Mind you, Taylor from the valley, but just so happened to be in Hermosa for a friend’s birthday celebration. She mentioned she saw my recent posts from the first day I was out with my sign, so when she saw the sign, she thought it might be me. I’m so glad she came over to say hi - it was true serendipity, and Halle totally manifested her presence!

Taylor’s favorite thing about her body was her smile, and Halle’s was that it powers her throgh her sport (volleyball).

I’m yet again finding myself in extreme awe and gratitude for each individual who shared their favorite thing about their body with me that day. I feel so lucky to have the honor of holding space for people to explore how this question sits with them.

My chosen place to reflect: Georgia’s Lounge, Redondo Beach, CA

I arrived after 8:00pm and snagged the only bar spot available, which just happened to be next to Michael, a man who showed interest in what I was up to with my notebook and pen at the bar.

We got to talking, and I asked what his favorite thing about his body was. To which he replied, “My face,” because people don’t usually know how old he is. He then thanked his mom and dad for good genes before adding, “I want to trim the pepper parts from my salt and pepper beard sometimes, but I don’t.”

I then asked the bartender Evan (whom I used to serve every Taco Tuesday a few years ago at an old restaurant job) what his was. He said, “My eyes or my smile.”

The other bartender, Joe, asked what I was up to. I explained what I was doing, and his response was how dense his body is because he’s spent years practicing martial arts and building muscle and strength.

Sae sat down next to him, and her answer was, “That it works!”

I asked the last standing bartender what his was, to which he said he refused to respond. I later found out he was JOKING, and he ended up saying his eyes. (Can’t beat a man with a sense of humor.)

It was powerful to see, first-hand, the possibilities that lie within this question. It can bring us closer to peace within our own human experience, but I believe it has the power to unite us in community as well. This day at the pier, and what transpired at Georgia’s afterwards, was a true testament to this.

My favorite thing about my body that day was… my smile and smile lines, because a smile is a powerful way to connect with people, and my smile lines are a visual representation of the joy I’ve experienced in my life.

Stay tuned for more of this! I’m inspired by what I witnessed in doing this two times now, and I’m so freaking excited to continue this experiment. Where will I go next?

And per usual in this forum, I’ll leave you with this: What’s your favorite thing about your body?

❤️‍🔥Megan

Do you have a friend, family member or peer who might love this too? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about my writing and body image conversations!

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your healthcare providers.

Everyone please welcome Tatiana Pavela to A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations! Tatiana and I are a both a part of The Spark (Amy McNabb’s mindset-focused membership for ambitious, heart-centered actresses), and it’s fun because she’s a Chicago-based actress, theatre artist, and teaching artist (which is just fun for me because I adore Chicago so much and lived/worked there prior to moving to the beach). I was thrilled to sit down with Tatiana and discuss body image.

When I read this quote on her website, “As a teaching artist, she has worked with students of all ages to guide actors to work through fear, take up space and do the ridiculous,” I knew I was in for a treat with this conversation.

In our conversation, we discuss…

• Working through fear as an actor

• Getting comfortable with being profoundly uncomfortable

• People telling us “no” fuels the fire

• Her changing body leading to an autoimmune disorder

• The realization that she doesn’t have as much control over her body as she once thought she did and coming to terms with that

• The nuance of wanting to accept her body but also wanting it to change

• Our bodies are designed to fail

• Her fearlessness and vulnerability in showing the range of humanity onstage as an actor

• The pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect as actors, but the reality being that these characters we’re playing are inherently imperfect beings (just like all of humanity)

• We are taught to hate our bodies, and we are taught to not listen to our bodies and override them - how this led Tatiana to a post-sickness diagnosis of mono

• Creating space to listen to your voice and hear your body

• We discuss joy and the things we both find joyful in our day-to-day lives

• We have a big chat about delicious food at the end, so grab your snacks ◡̈

I cannot even tell you how many little golden nuggets of wisdom are within this 54-minute conversation - I hope you enjoy this one. Tatiana is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to our bodies as actors, the patriarchy + our societal conditioning, and ultimately coming back to ourselves. She’s also absolutely hilarious and wonderful. I truly, truly cannot wait for you to hear our conversation!

Subscribe now

Below is a text insert of our conversation that stuck with me, starting at just after the 22-minute mark:

Tatiana Pavela: I mean, it feels like we’re sliding backwards now, to be honest. But the thing that I’ve been telling myself since – because even when I was “thinner,” I was still larger than everyone else around me. Do you know what I mean? It’s kind of a sign that’syou know, “Tatiana, to a certain extent, you’ve always been this.”

But the thing that I would tell myself, and I still do tell myself, is my goal as an actor is to show the range of humanity as much as possible, and I can do that. You know, and it’s so – yeah, it’s like if I can be as fearless – let’s go back to fear, right? If I can be as fearless onstage, I can be as vulnerable, if I can be like, “Look at this. Look at this heartbreak, look at this. This happened on stage. Look at this, look at this, look at this,” you know? I just did a play, and my goal was how vulnerable can I be every night. Can I shed my skin so that they can see this journey? And it’s just like – yeah, that’s my goal. It’s a challenge to myself. It’s like, “I dare you. I dare you to work through your fear so that you can show more humanity to people.”

Megan Gill: Yeah, because we need it now more than ever.

Tatiana Pavela: Because we need it, and because it’s true. You know what I mean? I’m sure so many people have said this on your podcast, but it’s like we’re out here living our lives. I’m in love. I have a wonderful relationship. So many crazy things have happened to me, good and bad. Do you know what I mean? That it’s just like I’m not just here as, you know, young mom number one auditioning for a Triscuit commercial.

Megan Gill: Exactly. Exactly. Exactly, 100%. And that’s not to say that if you were in a smaller body, that it wouldn’t be “easier,” or that there wouldn’t be more bookability or more roles available, and I fucking hate that so goddamn much.

Tatiana Pavela: Let it out. Let it out!

Megan Gill: Yeah, it’s just – and I also just wanna say that too, because that’s also just a very real part of what’s wrong with the industry and what I would like to change about the industry, if I could. Yeah.

Tatiana Pavela: I mean, it’s hard. It does feel we’re sliding backwards, you know what I mean, in terms of plus-size clothing availability –

Megan Gill: Yes.

Tatiana Pavela: – in stores. I remember when Athleta started offering their plus-size in store, and it was so awesome. I was like, “I’ll give you all my money.” Do you know what I mean? Like this is amazing. This is great. And then when they recently pulled that back, I was like oh man, do you know what I mean? It just happens over and over again where lines are closing or it’s not offered in store. It just feels like a lot of this is moving backwards.

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Tatiana Pavela: And so, how’s your body image now Tatiana? Well, it was better a few years ago.

Megan Gill: Right, right.

Tatiana Pavela: It was better two years ago. But I mean… and then the thing that I can just tell myself is – and it sounds so pretentious to be like, “Oh, I’m gonna be an example to people,” but is that it’s just like, look, I love when I’ve seen fat women onstage, you know what I mean, especially as love interests where it had nothing to do with fat.

Megan Gill: Yep.

Tatiana Pavela: I was just like, just be that example for someone else, you know? And my students, who are adults, there’s so much fear in them, and there’s so much think-we-need-to-be-perfect before we do the thing. And I’m like no one’s perfect. You kind of have to be strong and wrong.

How I’ve learned anything in this industry is by doing it wrong and having someone tell me the right way to do it, or, “Don’t do it that way. Do it like this,” you know? And it’s like… one of my students was talking about their need for perfectionism, and I was thinking about it on my walk home after class where I was like how interesting, how unfortunate, how bizarre, how weird, how whatever that we think, as artists, we need to be perfect, but the thing that we are trying to represent is imperfect, always. Humanity is always imperfect, and that’s what makes it interesting. And those are the stories that we want to watch, and yet, we think we need to be perfect in order to represent that.

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Tatiana Pavela: Why?

Megan Gill: Seriously why. Make it make it make sense! And we think that our bodies need to be this image of perfection or acceptable in order to tell these stories. For me, a big thing now that I’m in my early thirties, approaching my mid-thirties is I have never had Botox, and I am now seeing my deeper lines. I just got headshots done, and I’m like, “No, bitch. You are not doing that.” And you know what? If people, if actors want to, more power to you. Do what works for you. For me, kind of like you were saying, I’m challenging myself to not because I want to be that face that looks the age that I am, and I wanna tell those stories with this face and with this body, and it is so damn hard. But it’s like we also need that. Sure, we need the 35-year-old women with Botox. Yes, that’s needed too. But also, my forehead wrinkles and my smile lines are also needed. They’re both needed.

Tatiana Pavela: Have you seen “The Beat In Me” with Claire Danes?

Megan Gill: Yes. Yes. Wait, with the – she’s the writer, she’s the writer.

Tatiana Pavela: She’s the writer. So I say this completely neutral. You see her, and she looks older, right? I’ve been watching her since “My So-Called Life” days. When I saw her face, when I first started watching that series, I breathed a sigh of motherfucking relief I didn’t realize I was holding. I was like, “Oh, my god.”

Megan Gill: Yeah, it’s beautiful.

Tatiana Pavela: It was like – because you could see everything on her face. You could see every emotion, everything she’s holding, everything she’s thinking. I mean, truly, truly phenomenal. And the thing that I love about her and Matthew Rhys in the show is you never know what they’re gonna do, and when they do it, it’s always the more psychopathic choice. You’re just like, “Oh, my god!”

Megan Gill: It really is such a good show.

Tatiana Pavela: It’s incredible.

Megan Gill: It took me a second to piece together…

Tatiana Pavela: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There’s so much out there right now that it’s like, “Wait, did I watch that? I don’t know, maybe?”

Megan Gill: “I know I’ve seen it! I know I’ve seen Claire Danes in a series recently, but I need to visualize it for one second, yep.” Yeah, you’re so right.

Tatiana Pavela: When I saw her, it was a sigh of relief, and it was like, “Oh my god, this is incredible.” And I mean, at the end of the day too, it’s like, look, yeah, do whatever you want to do. Do you know what I mean? I have so many friends, more people than I know are probably on Botox, you know what I mean? It’s like everybody’s doing it, but I just am so profoundly upset at the money that women are expected to spend on their looks, and it does not matter for men.

Megan Gill: Yep.

Tatiana Pavela: It pisses me off –

Megan Gill: Same.

Tatiana Pavela: – so much because it is a – this myth of beauty, right, is a tool for oppression to keep our money away from us and to keep our time away from us and to keep our energy away from us, so that we are focused on something else that is always unattainable, always changing, always out of reach, so that we are easier to control. And it always comes down to that. And I think – I’m like, listen, I would love a facelift. I’m in my forties, over here. I was like, “Just get that off.” I would love that, but at the end of the day, I’m like, “Resist the patriarchy. Resist the patriarchy.”

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Tatiana Pavela: And so, I remember when I first started going to therapy years ago, when all this started happening with my body and changing or whatever, and my therapist was like, “Who taught you to hate yourself?” And I was like, “What do you mean? What a stupid question! What do you mean? We all hate ourselves! We’re all taught that. All women are taught that.”

Megan Gill: Literally.

Tatiana Pavela: Every magazine, every book. Why are you asking me like it’s coming from a little secret, little source, you know what I mean?

Megan Gill: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like I can pinpoint one thing? It’s like, “It’s everything!”

Tatiana Pavela: It’s like literally everything.

Megan Gill: “It’s my mom, even though she really didn’t mean to,” you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Tatiana Pavela: I know. It’s wild. It’s wild. It’s like, “Who taught you to hate yourself?” “Who taught me to love myself?”

Megan Gill: God, right. Where’s that? Where’s that at?

Tatiana Pavela: Yeah. Like…

Megan Gill: Certainly not in my college theater program. Whoops, I said it.

Tatiana Pavela: Name names. Name names! I mean, it’s so hard. It’s so hard in this industry. The other thing that I come back to is that there’s no guarantee for a career. So whatever you look like, it still always – it might never happen to you. You may never get your big break. Nothing is guaranteed, and no one has the same path as anyone else. And so, you kind of can’t say, “If this happened, what –,” do you know what I mean? Because the times in my life where I felt like, “Okay, I’m gonna do this or get this role, whatever, and this is gonna be a stepping stone to someone else,” it’s like no. It wasn’t.

Megan Gill: Yeah, yeah. Yeah!

Tatiana Pavela: You’re back at square one.

Megan Gill: Right, right. Totally. We might as well live as peacefully as we can and as free as we can in these bodies that we have and that do incredible things for us and allow us to do the incredible work that we do, and just try going back to that acceptance piece of what you were touching on earlier when you said, “Either I can have that unattainable thing and try to fight to work towards that unattainable thing that society tells me I need to be for my whole life, or I can just say, fuck it. This is me. I feel good,” for the most part. We don’t always feel good.

Tatiana Pavela: Yeah.

Megan Gill: “I know how to take care of my body. I know how to nourish my body. I know how to experience joy in my body and just feel a little bit more mentally free,” and I feel like that’s almost the win.

Tatiana Pavela: Experiencing joy in your body is the win because we are taught to ignore our bodies. We’re taught to override. We’re taught to keep going. We’re taught to push, push, push, push, push, and not be in tune with what we feel at all, wou know what I mean? Especially when you’re in a rigorous kind of training program as artists or whatever, right? It’s like, “Keep going, keep going, keep going,” you know? And, okay, so this is wild. This is something that kind of stopped me in my tracks that no one will probably think is wild except for me.

Megan Gill: I can’t wait to hear.

Tatiana Pavela: When I was getting all of this stuff figured out, right, it was a couple of years after grad school, and my third doctor at this point was doing all these tests and everything, and she was like, “Oh yeah, so when did you have mono?” And I was like, “I never had mono.” And she was like, “No, you definitely had mono. It’s in your blood,” or something had come up, right? And I was like, “I never had mono.” And she was like, “Well, you had mono.”

Yeah. So I’m like, “Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. So this mono – I think about this thing that lays people down for a month – you are too tired to get out of bed or whatever – I probably had it in grad school or the years after. And I remember the days when I was so tired. I remember every day I spent more money on coffee than food. Do you know what I mean? It’s just like I was so tired, and I just overrode that. I did not miss one day, one class in three years, one rehearsal, nothing. And I’m just like that was applauded. This thing of – I was like, “Damn, that’s powerful.” And then I’m like, “No, no, no. That’s overpowering. That is not powerful. That is you being so, so not able to listen to your body that you have no idea what’s up.”

Tatiana Pavela is a Chicago-based actress and theatre artist who gravitates towards experimental theatre, devised work and heightened language. As a teaching artist and private coach, she loves working with actors of all levels to work through fear, take up space and do the ridiculous. She has worked in various theaters across the US and internationally, but holds a special place in her heart for her solo show Brandi Alexander (Week 1 Critic’s Pick from The List, Edinburgh Festival Fringe; Artist Trust Award - Seattle, WA). Happiest in the water or in a rehearsal room.

Visit Tatiana’s Website

Follow Tatiana on IG

A couple of notes to ensure this is a safe space for my guests to share their intimate and vulnerable body image stories in:

• It can be easy to feel alone on your journey of existing in a body. I welcome the connection and support of one another in this space through considerate and curious comments.

• These conversations are quite nuanced, complex, and oftentimes very vulnerable. Remember that everyone has their own body image story, and while someone else’s might look differently than yours, I encourage you to keep an open mind and stay empathetic.

• Thank you for being here. By sharing this type of content, my hope is to inspire personal reflection and cultural questioning. Thank you and supporting me in exploring the effects of our culture’s beauty norms and body standards on human beings existing in today’s world.

Leave a comment

Do you have a friend, family member or peer who might love this too? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about my writing and body image conversations!

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your health providers.

“What’s Your Favorite Thing About Your Body?”

This came about a year ago - I was a few conversations into the series at this point, and I was brainstorming probing questions to ask my guests to get them thinking differently about their bodies.

This question came to the forefront for me. It felt aligned with my personal self-image journey, and felt like something I needed to start asking other people.

I’d spent years of my life picking my body apart, beating her up because she wasn’t good enough, and talking shit to her. I spent too much time only seeing what I didn’t like about my body, what I wanted to change about her.

Somewhere along my conscious journey to start being kinder to my body, I got the idea to find one thing I liked about myself when I looked in the mirror. I figured it was worth a shot to start to reframe how I saw myself - and it worked.

Instead of harping on all of the things that were not “right” that day, the things I didn’t like for whatever reason, the things that I’ve, quite frankly, spent years not liking… I had to find one thing that jumped out as my favorite to me that day.

In the beginning, my answers were: my hair, my smile, my laugh.

That slowly merged into showing appreciation for my freckly skin, for my two front teeth (that I knocked out when I was three years old, grew back in third grade, and were quite possibly the reason I never needed braces).

And soon enough, it was my curves, my ability to feel so deeply, and my vulnerability.

The more I did this, the more connected I felt to the things about my body that I spent so many years hating. I started to embrace my soft, curved belly with her oblong belly button. And while I don’t have any traditional education in psychology, I realized I was literally rewiring my brain to see the good instead of the bad. This compassionate self-talk was actively creating new neural pathways that actually supported a healthy relationship to my self-image. It was powerful.

And if it was powerful for me, it had to be impactful for others too.

So I started asking this question at the end of each conversation I recorded, and the feedback I got was starting to stick with me.

“That’s such a good question because I feel that’s something I should ask myself more often,” Amy Geist told me.

“I love it, and I’m glad that this is how you end your conversations because why aren’t we asking women enough about what they love about themselves rather than what they would want to change?” Jennifer Ledesma mentioned.

“That's such a great question,” Beth Hawkes said.

It kind of rocked me a bit - this question that had become a normal part of my days seemed to be a bit revolutionary to others. I realized there was something in this, something transformational. This simple question had shifted so many things for me… and I was watching it start to shift something in other people right before my eyes, too. I knew I had to bring this idea into more spaces.

I started talking about it more widely.

I started sharing on my social media a bit more about this concept. I made a reel sharing my favorite things about my body, which felt vulnerable and yet exciting and freeing all at the same time.

I started telling my frineds and family about this quesiton I’ve been exploring, wanting to create my own PhD in diving deep into research about it.

Then I got the idea - I need to take this to the streets. I need to make a sign and stand in a crowded area like Nisarah (@dudettewithasign on Instagram) and ask people what their favorite thing about their body is.

This past Saturday, March 7th, 2026, I took my sign, and I stood on the Esplanade in South Redondo near Miramar Park.

Last weekend, I got the supplies for my sign, I made the sign, and I started telling people I was going out next Saturday to try this out. The act of 1) setting a day, putting it in my calendar, and 2) telling people about what I was doing held me accountable.

As the week went on, I started to get more and more excited. I was initially going to start small and stand in my neighborhood. A girlfriend of mine said, “No, you have to go to the strand!” She was right. I knew I wanted to do this in my community, but I should start somewhere with a lot of foot traffic. Slowly, my plan started to invigorate me like nothing else - the excitement outweighed the nerves, which told me I absolutely needed to do it.

Though my intent with this was to get people thinking differently, make connections with new people in real life, and hopefully leave an impact on at least one person, I went into it with a goal to record ten people. I decided I’d bring ten “You Are Beautiful” stickers with me, and all I had to do was ask ten people if they were open to being on camera as documentation for this series - which honestly felt like a lot. And in turn, they’d get a cute little sticker and hopefully leave a little more self-compassion than they met me with.

Saturday afternoon came around, and the weather was perfect. I parked my car a ways down, so I had to walk a ways to get to my spot. I had my sign with me, but I was kind of hiding the side with the words against myself - that’s when I started to get nervous!!!

When I arrived at the area I wanted to stand in, I stopped, took a breath, gave myself a mini pep talk, turned around, and held my sign up.

I didn’t know what was going to happen. Would I be shunned? Would I be told to buzz off? Would people give me dirty looks or the silent treatment? Would people even respond??? Would they think it’s silly? Would they think I was dumb? Would the cops tell me it’s illegal to stand on the strand with a sign?

Within 30 seconds, a man shouted out: “My hair!”

A minute later, a woman passing by said, “My eyes!”

My shoulders immediately started to relax. People were sharing.

The first gentleman to actually approach me to chat was Jayden, who said, “My heart,” and proceeded to ask what my favorite thing about my body was.

The first woman to stop and come over to me was Terry. Her gut-reaction answer was, “I’m fabulous!” Terry hung around with me for a good while, listening to and chatting with the others who stopped to share their favorite thing about their own bodies.

What ended up transpiring from this day was something magical. I handed out all 10 stickers. I recorded 12 people in total. I probably interacted with over 100. I made new friends. I had incredibly inspiring conversations. People came over to share with me. People on their runs/walks shouted out as they passed by. I almost cried multiple times. And a beautiful ladybug landed on me towards the end of the day - it a sign this project is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing in the world, and I need to keep doing it.

While I didn’t collect exact data from this day (something I’d like to do moving forward), I took a few hours to reflect after the experience and wrote down those that I remembered most:

“What’s Your Favorite Thing About Your Body?”

LOCATION: South Redondo Beach - Esplanade near Miramar Park

DATE: Saturday, March 7th, 2026

TIME: 2:30-7:30pm

Answers I heard:

• My brain

• My heart

• My eyes

• My feet

• My hands

• My resilience

• My height

• My smile

• My neck

• My fingers

• My teeth

• My hair

• My mind

• My skin

• My biceps

• My ability to heal

• My spirit and my soul

• My dimples

• My energy

• My muscles

• My little toe

The theme that stuck out to me the most:

• How many people said their heart or their brain/mind

Special responses that stood out:

• Man: “That it’s alive.”

• Woman: “My booty.” Man with her: “Mine too!”

• Woman: “My boobs - they feed my baby.”

• Woman running the LA marathon the next day: “Can still do a backflip at 44 years old. It doesn’t matter how skinny we are, how big we are. It just matters if we’re strong.”

• One friend: “It’s the only one I have.” Second friend: “It's doing its best.”

• Mom to three-year-old son: “What’s your favorite thing about your body?” Son: *points to his brain*

• Woman: “Its ability to bounce back after giving birth.”

• Woman in car on the phone with her sister: “My boobs! Sis, what’s yours?” Her sister: “My eyes.”

• Woman: “Its ability to heal. We put our body through a lot. I’ve been in car accidents, foot surgeries, and it just blows my mind that our bodies can heal and carry us through.”

Stand out words of encouragement:

• “The world needs more of this.”

• “No one’s ever asked me this question. It’s a great question, I just never had to think about it.”

• “I hope our future leaders model their brain and personality after you.”

• “After I walked away from you, I wondered why I said something physical and not something deeper.”

Patterns I noticed:

• If a male and female were walking together, the male was more likely to answer first (or even at all)

• Many women said they didn’t know what their favorite thing was. I told them it could be anything and encouraged them to sit with it and see what comes up. There will always be something there if you listen deeply enough. And some still didn’t have an answer to share.

• At first glance, people seemed skeptical. Once they read the sign, I could see their energy shift. I was surprised by how many people ended up sharing their answer.

I have extreme gratitude for those who were generous enough to share their favorite thing with me that day, and I’m so thankful to the 12 brave humans who agreed to be recorded for this series (coming to social media soon!!!). It is not beside me how powerful an act it is to agree to be on camera for a series about body image. So thank you all for sharing, from the bottom of my heart.

On my walk back to my car, I held my sign the whole way. I stopped by multiple people in cars with the sign, asking if they had an answer. I was met with multiple people who were willing to share theirs from their car, and it was something so moving that I was bursting with hope and joy and so many emotions. And I was also so f*ckin proud of myself for doing the scary thing.

My favorite thing about my body that day was my brain, because it didn’t get in my way of going out there and being vulnerable.

This series is the start of something - I can feel it. And I’m so excited to continue to do this work in my community (and hopefully one day beyond). I’ve never been so lit up about something in my life, and that feeling needs to be followed.

Stay tuned for more of this! I’m inspired by what I experienced this past Saturday, and I cannot wait to continue this experiment.

I’ll leave you with this: What’s your favorite thing about your body?

❤️‍🔥Megan

Do you have a friend, family member or peer who might love this too? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about my writing and body image conversations!

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your healthcare providers.

Read more

Shalon has been a range of sizes on the spectrum, and her story of realizing she didn’t have to change her body to have success as a fit model gives me chills.

In our conversation, we discuss…

• How Shalon got her start in the fit model industry

• Her realization and understanding that her body and its biggest was needed in this industry, and she could maintain it

• The feeling when a friend asks if she fit a plus-size garment because it actually fits well

• How fit modeling is not for the faint of heart

• The lack of plus-size representation in the rooms where decisions are being made about plus-size fashion

• The lack of inclusion of plus-size bodies in the fashion industry as a whole

• Taking action to make this industry more inclusive for plus-size bodies

• How being discovered by Torrid kick-started her whole career and catapulted her into an inclusivity revolution

• Understanding the history of fashion and where the standards originated

• Rewriting the narrative to de-center the male gaze in the fashion industry

• Remembering the “why” behind the work we do as fit models

• The keys to being a great fit model

• How Shalon ended up founding her agency

Shalon is a gem of a human being and an extremely knowledgeable model. This was such an educational conversation to be part of, and I hope you take so much away from the intersection of Shalon’s expertise and lens on the state of the industry and being a plus model in today’s fashion industry climate. Shalon is truly for the girls and women she works with and represents, and I cannot wait for you to hear our conversation!

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Below is a text insert of our conversation that stuck with me, starting at around the 9-minute & 20-second mark:

Shalon Dozier: You have to have kind of a thick skin to do this because they’re gonna talk about your body, and they’re gonna talk about you like you’re not even human.

Megan Gill: And they’re gonna talk about you right in front of you.

Shalon Dozier: In your face!

Megan Gill: While you’re in your bra and underwear.

Shalon Dozier: In your underwear and your bra! In front of a whole room of people.

Megan Gill: Yeah, yep. It’s so true.

Shalon Dozier: Okay, so you have to be thick-skinned. I think you’ve got to love this. It’s very niche, but you’ve got to love it. And I know that there’s a big influx of plus-size people wanting to get into the fit modeling industry. And I’m totally for all of that. But this is something that – it’s not like a means to end – it is a means to an end, but it’s not that. If you really want to be successful in this – and where I got my success was that I literally was like, “This is an untouched market.” I was like, “You mean to tell me you’re gonna pay me hundreds of dollars an hour to tell you what I think about some clothes?” And the rest of the models that I knew and circles that I knew was like, “Oh, fit modeling? I don’t think so. I want to be in a campaign.” And I was like, “That’s fine,” because I’m gonna haha to the bank because this is something untouched. And you have to look at it like that. Like it’s not this thing like a means to an end, you know what I mean? And that’s where a lot of girls, I think, lose their success in it or burn out because they’re just like, “Wait a minute. So I do this day in, day out? I have to keep up with my body? I have to do this da, da, da?” You have to really love to do this.

Megan Gill: It’s very true.

Shalon Dozier: Seriously.

Megan Gill: I can absolutely co-sign that myself, and it’s cool because I, over the past six years, have grown to love it. And at first, like the first time someone is talking about your body in front of you in front of a room of people, it is so jarring and it’s so like, “Wait, what’s going on?”

Shalon Dozier: Yes.

Megan Gill: But if you have the, if you have the understanding that, sure, it’s about your body, but it’s not about your body. It’s about producing the best clothes that we can produce for so many people. You’ve got to separate yourself from that a little bit. I feel like it’s really helpful. But also how lovely that your experience with fitting has brought you to understand that you don’t need to be smaller and that you can maintain where you are.

Shalon Dozier: Yes.

Megan Gill: And if you do maintain where you are, then you can help create these clothes that so many other plus-size women need. Like that piece of it all is just really special and so important.

Shalon Dozier: Yes! Yes, that to me is amazing, and it’s really good when I get friends who text me, and they’re like in the Target like dressing room, and they’re like, “Did you? Were you the fit model for this? Because girl, look at this. This looks good on me, girl!”

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Shalon Dozier: Or, “Shalon, did you do these jeans? These are amazing!”

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Shalon Dozier: And it feels like that little – those little messages let me know that I’m working and my purpose because I’m a girl’s girl. I want us all to win, and I am about us all feeling good in the skin you’re in. It’s like I did a post the other day, I’m no woman’s competition. I want us all to win.

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Shalon Dozier: I want us all to feel beautiful. I didn’t get in this to be like, “Ha, I’m better than you. Ha!” No. I’m like, “Girl, I’m standing, taking the hits, you know, them talking about my body, for this to fit good for you to have a great product that you feel good about when you walk out in the street.”

Megan Gill: Yes.

Shalon Dozier: “You’re welcome!”

Megan Gill: Absolutely, and that’s why you say you have to love it because you are taking the hits, and granted, it’s not – okay, taking the hits is not – I don’t know. It’s not like people are being always blatantly like –

Shalon Dozier: No, it’s not that.

Megan Gill: But it’s in the little nuance of things that people say, and when you’re with a client, and there’s just like a little tiny comment that doesn’t feel like a big deal. But to some people, I’m like, it could be a huge deal.

And I had an epiphany a year or two ago, like when I was in the thick of getting into the body image work myself and really feeling like I was coming to a really good place – I was in a good relationship with my body, it dawned on me that some people who maybe didn’t have a good relationship with their body or who were in the thick of eating disorders or who had really bad body dysmorphia, it might not be good for them to be in this industry and to be doing this work.

Shalon Dozier: No.

Megan Gill: Because it could really mess with your brain if you’re not careful and if you don’t have the understanding of the broader reason behind what’s going on here.

Shalon Dozier: A hundred percent.

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Shalon Dozier: You got to be – like I said, this is not something for the faint of heart. I’ve had people say, “Oh, I could be a fit model!” And I’m like, “Okay. Sure.” Because you have to have a thick skin. There are times that I have literally walked out in a situation where I was in tears, okay? There’s a flip side. There’s a great side to it. I love what I do; it’s like I have friends, I’ve met these amazing people, I’ve met you. I have all these wonderful people in my life that I have gained over my time in the industry, right? And there’s something to be said about when a room is listening, and it’s like the CEO of a company, and they’re like, “Can you say that in our sales meeting?” You know what I mean?

Megan Gill: Yeah. Yeah.

Shalon Dozier: Granted, yes. But then there are times, like you’re saying, those little nuances, that at the quietude of you being in your home, you’re like, “That shit hurt my feelings,” you get what I mean?

Megan Gill: Absolutely.

Shalon Dozier: And then the next day, you’ve got to shake it off and go in there and be a badass. You get what I mean?

Megan Gill: Absolutely, one hundred percent.

Shalon Dozier: So you have to really love yourself and accept yourself for exactly who you are, you know what I mean? And go in there with, “God put me in this purpose for a reason, and it’s to help other women and other people.”

Megan Gill: Absolutely, mic drop to all of that. And then to just add on another layer to what you are talking about, this is our livelihood, and therefore if a client is talking about your body and how it might not work for them any longer or something of the sort, not to mention like the mental gymnastics that we have to do as the models to be like, “Okay, am I gonna lose this client? This is part of what I’m paying my bills with.” That that comes along with it too is also not for the faint of heart because it’s tough. It’s tough.

Shalon Dozier: Yeah, it is. No, it’s super tough, and I think where I’m noticing, as a plus model, and this is where it’s affecting my livelihood is I’m a child of God. I’m a Christian, so I believe that God will provide for me no matter what, okay? But I have noticed a decline in work. And I seriously believe and I’ve been told by certain companies, “Oh yeah, we’re not doing plus anymore.” And I’m like, “Okay, but they are still plus-size women – there are still fat girls –,” and I say fat lovingly because I’m fat, so I can say that. You know what I mean? But, “Okay, there are still plus-size women out there that still want to buy clothes!”

Megan Gill: Right! “From you. Probably because they know that you’re producing, you’ve been producing them. What do you mean you’re just gonna stop?” To get on what you’re saying, I’ve noticed, and a lot of plus-size models in the industry, we’ve all noticed that there’s a lack of plus-size bodies, plus-size presence in fashion week now, on runways. There’s a lack of plus-size people being shown in e-comm, on certain companies that were inclusive at one time and are no longer, you know what I’m saying?

Megan Gill: Yep.

Shalon Dozier: We are watching this in real frickin’ time. And my thing is – and I will die on this hill – when I came into this business. it was $3 billion for plus. In 11 years, it has gone to $34 billion. We have spending power. We are here buying the clothes. We have the money to spend. We like to dress. We like to look good. So my question is, when it’s this paradigm shift that you’re talking about with clients and no longer needing your body type, it’s like, “Are you crazy? Because do you not want to make money?”

Megan Gill: Literally!

Shalon Dozier: “Do you not want to make the money?” But what I’ve found is it’s happened to me, and then they have to ask me to come back.

Megan Gill: Uh-huh. I know we’ve spoken about that before. Yep. “I’m sorry, what?”

Shalon Dozier: Oh yeah. And, “We’re not gonna do plus.” And it’s, “Oh, that was a mistake. Mm-hmm. We want that money. Hi, can you come back? We’re gonna be doing inclusive again.” You know what I mean?

And I do believe that there is about to be this wave – we’re on the tail end of lack of inclusivity because this is something that happened long before the Trump administration did away with DEI. That’s the thing people don’t know is that the lack of inclusion, in terms of plus-sized bodies, happened long before this, okay? This whole situation with DEI being removed was just kinda like the icing on the cake. Well, because of our economy being so bad, companies are actually like – actually, after I did that post on my Instagram that we talked about, it was like literally a literal shifting again. And it’s shifting again, where people started being like, “Hey, we have a line. Would you like to come in? Can we meet with you?” And I was like, “Wait a minute, my phone is ringing now!”

Megan Gill: It’s almost like who do you stand for? If you are gonna get rid of plus, or if you’re just not gonna have a plus line, do you stand with the,m or are you trying to do the right thing and do better for the people of the world, of this country?

Shalon Dozier: Personally, yeah, I would like to believe that’s what it is. But I’m gonna say that this is about money. It’s about business. It’s about if it doesn’t make dollars, it doesn’t make sense. But the problem is that a lot of these companies are making these decisions without plus-sized people in the room. You cannot make a decision for what I want, what my friends want, family members want, that are plus-size, and you’ve been a size two all your life. You don’t know what I want. And it’s no amount of you having an MBA or you having enough business skills in sales or merchandising is going to allot you to know what my body wants.

Megan Gill: Yep. What the lived experience is.

Shalon Dozier: You are basing it on a personal opinion, and then when you indoctrinate that personal opinion into your company, and the sales drop, then you have to go, “Oh, my bad. Yeah, come back, actually,” you know what I mean? And what I find is that there have been times with companies, even famous, infamous, plus-sized companies – will remain nameless. I did a sales meeting one time, and I was the only plus-sized person in the room, and this is like a tried-and-true plus-sized brand. And I was like – I sat back like, “Ooh, if everybody knew that these people making the decisions for this, nobody’s plus-size.”

Megan Gill: It just doesn’t make sense.

Shalon Dozier: Make it make sense.

Megan Gill: So it’s like where’s the representation in front of the camera, and where’s the representation behind the camera or behind the scenes, you know?

Shalon Dozier: Yes, yes.

Megan Gill: Because we need both.

Shalon Dozier: Yes, you do. And I don’t see plus-size – sometimes I’m the only plus-sized person in the room to this day. Okay, so that tells me a lot, and what I’ve learned in my career and how I started consulting is that I had a tech designer tell me once, she was like, “You’re such a wealth of knowledge because you don’t only just fit for us. You fit, you give out pattern correction callouts.” She was like, “And you consult us. You literally ask a question like, ‘Oh, this is cute. So how are you gonna market this to us? Oh, what are you gonna put with that?’” You know what I mean? And I’ve had to, because I’m like, I like to shop! So, “How are you gonna present this to somebody? How are you gonna do that?”

Shalon Dozier is a Los Angeles based, full-time size 16/18 fit model and fashion industry leader with a career rooted in advocacy, expertise, and representation. She has worked extensively with top denim and apparel brands including Good American, Reformation, NYDJ, AVA&VIV, Max Studio, Celebrity Pink and 7 For All Mankind, and is proudly the first Target Certified Plus Size Fit Model for the California.

In addition to her work as a fit model, Shalon is the owner of the only black owned modeling agency on the west coast, creating pathways for greater inclusion and equity within the fashion industry. Her fit clientele spans luxury, contemporary, and mass-market brands such as Fendi, ZARA, IVY PARK, SKIMS, Adidas, Nordstrom, Volcom, Wild Fable, Dia & Co., Stitch Fix, Beyond Yoga, Macy’s, Torrid, and more.

Discovered at an early age, Shalon has built a successful career in the plus-size fashion space, including gracing the cover of Plus Model Magazine, modeling e-commerce for SKIMS, and being featured on the website of historic department store Selfridges in London. She has also worked with Banana Republic, Gap, and Orvis, walked in major plus fashion shows, and trained with acclaimed supermodel Coco Rocha and Keenyah Hill.

Shalon’s mission is to empower women, challenge outdated beauty standards, and actively reshape the fashion industry to be more inclusive, representative, and equitable.

Follow Shalon on Instagram

Get in touch with The Dozier Agency!

A couple of notes to ensure this is a safe space for my guests to share their intimate and vulnerable body image stories in:

• It can be easy to feel alone on your journey of existing in a body. I welcome the connection and support of one another in this space through considerate and curious comments.

• These conversations are quite nuanced, complex, and oftentimes very vulnerable. Remember that everyone has their own body image story, and while someone else’s might look differently than yours, I encourage you to keep an open mind and stay empathetic.

• Thank you for being here. By sharing this type of content, my hope is to inspire personal reflection and cultural questioning. Thank you and supporting me in exploring the effects of our culture’s beauty norms and body standards on human beings existing in today’s world.

Leave a comment

Do you have a friend, family member or peer who might love this too? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about my writing and body image conversations!

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your health providers.

I’ve been really enjoying being in my body lately. I’ve had more moments of gratitude and joy than not. I’ve experienced less judgement and more self-adoration. Yet objectively looking at my body in these photos had me noticing perceived flaws about my body - my relaxed belly, the size my arms and texture of my skin on them, as examples. But the cool thing about noticing these imperfect parts of myself is I wasn’t sent into a shame spiral about how I might have gained a little bit of weight recently or should have held my stomach a different way to appear smaller or put my hands on my hips to elongate the soft parts of my arm; instead, I took a breath and searched for the things about these photos that I love - my big, natural hair, my genuine smile, my fun outfit, the fact that my body could take me to and from this session and allow me to be fully present with the photographer and confident in front of the camera.

It’s amazing reflecting on how far I’ve come - in my body image journey, since my first shoot with Leah in 2021, and with my confidence in general. I’ve done a lot of hard work, and I continue to do hard work, and this is the payoff: being able to look at myself in photos, take a breath, and understand my body is allowed to be how she is. And as long as I feel good and grounded and comfy in her, she’s good the way she is.

The reality is, I’ve never felt more like myself in photos, and I’ve never liked myself more as a human being. This combination, to me, truly feels like magic. I feel unstoppable and unshakeable.

While we’re on the topic of seeing yourself in photos, I did have an experience this week where I attended an event my yoga studio hosted - it was a rooftop yoga session. The view of the ocean was insane, I was there with one of my best friends, one of my favorite teachers was leading us through class, and I felt so cute in my new red set. Vibes were high.

Then, as class was gearing up to begin, I noticed there was a photographer taking photos of class. Which, from a marketing standpoint, I totally get and support! Also so cool to have photos of us all doing yoga together on a gorgeous sunny day on a rooftop overlooking the ocean. However, it was hard to notice those lovely things about us being photographed because all I could think was how my body was going to look in these photos. And for whatever reason, I was worried it would not be good.

I saw the photos recently, and while I was right - I did not love the way I looked in them, I took a breath and tried to give myself some grace. Of course I know my body bends and skin folds in certain ways while in the middle of a flow - yoga isn’t about making my body look good; it’s about making her feel good. Sure, I could have worn a black set or a unitard and probably ~*liked the photos better*~ but you know what? I’m glad I didn’t. Sometimes I need a kick in the pants to show gratitude for myself in photos even when I don’t freaking like the way I look.

Healing is not linear. Some days are easier than others. It’s an ever-evolving journey of working every single day to move away from self-deprecating thoughts and into self-appreciative thoughts. And this is an example that one is never “*healed* - healing is a process, a journey; it’s not a destination.

I know we all have a different relationship with seeing ourself in photos. I hope these thoughts I shared here help you give yourself a little more grace when seeing yourself in pics. If it’s hard for you, try - just try - to find one good thing about the way you look. And if you can’t do that, try to remember one good thing you felt or experienced that day. I’m hopeful that, over time, with repetition and more self-admiration, we’ll begin to make a natural shift in our brains to automatically look for the good instead of the bad.

In body healing,

Megan ❤️‍🔥

Do you have a friend, family member or peer who might love this too? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about my writing and body image conversations!

Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your healthcare providers.

In our conversation, we discuss…

• Doing the inner work to love your body for all it can do

• Feeling strong and calling on your body to do incredible things

• Creating messy, real, raw female characters in raw, real, messy films

• The physical body changes along with the habitual diet/movement changes being a new mom brings

• The beauty in feeling strong as hell

• Our deepest insecurities will always be with us

• Challenging our modern concept of beauty standards

• Raising her daughter to non-negotiably care for her body through leading by example

Our conversation is full of golden nuggets Cornelia shares about her journey with her body, and I’m so excited for you to listen in!

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Below is a text insert of our conversation that stuck with me, starting at around the 19-minute mark:

Megan Gill: Okay, so shifting over to you and where you are at now in your life. You are an actor, and you have been working in the health and wellness space for quite a while now, and you are a new mom. So I’m curious how your body image journey has led you now to this place, and kind of if there’s a trajectory of how your relationship to your own body has shifted through different phases of life, and where you find yourself now as a new mom, which I understand does bring up change. You literally housed a baby inside of you for nine months. Of course your body’s changing.

Cornelia Hanes: Yeah.

Megan Gill: I’m just curious your personal experience and if you would be willing to share a little bit about where you’ve been and where you find yourself now.

Cornelia Hanes: Yes, so I am in a wonderful place with my body. I have never been so appreciative and grateful for it. I’m so in love with my daughter and the fact that I had a healthy pregnancy, a healthy delivery, she’s thriving. I am just in awe of women’s bodies and being able to create life. So that I feel very grateful to have experienced, and the fact that we are doing well and I had a nice recovery, not without its bumps for sure. And I am nursing still, so a big thing for me is, one, I have to work out. I’m a former athlete, so if I don’t move my body, I go cuckoo. I just do that to move energy and just make sure my head is clear. But that doesn’t necessarily always mean lifting weights. Sometimes that’s a walk outside. It’s just moving the body. So I make sure I get movement every day. I really have to be adamant about protein and calories and drinking at least three liters of water so that my supply doesn’t dip. So that’s where I’m at right now. I gotta make sure that I am still able to feed her and feed myself and do all of that.

I’ve had a different experience with body image. So I used to be an elite swimmer, right? I grew up swimming and I’ve always been an athlete, and when I was growing up, I was skinny and I had broad shoulders and I hated that. I just wanted curves. I wanted boobs. I wanted an ass so bad. That’s what I wanted. And so, being a teenager, and then it got better in college, but I was always – I had a swimmer’s body. Sure, I was strong and I was athletic. But it’s so funny, right? You always want what you don’t have, especially as you’re growing up and trying to figure out who you are.

Megan Gill: The grass is always greener. So I had a lot of self-doubt around just not looking feminine enough. The fact that I had a big back because I was strong as hell, now I’m like, oh, I wish I would’ve appreciated all the benefits instead. But you’re a teenager. You don’t really think about it that way. And then in college, much of my identity was a swimmer. You know, I was in the pool all the time and competing in NCAA and all of that. So that kind of faded a little bit, and I had a great team of other girls and we were just such a strong unit, that noise dampened a little bit.

Megan Gill: I love that.

Cornelia Hanes: But still, also, American culture – I don’t know if when the Kardashians came up to light, but again I just wanted to be curvy and I just wanted to feel more like a woman than I did. And, like we talked about with aging, I think I’ve done a lot of work on myself where I’ve just realized that’s just silly. This is the body you have, love it for all it can do. So I’ve done a lot of work on myself in that capacity. And now, I just love feeling strong. I just love being able to call on my body for all of the things.

The other day I was in a parking garage, and the elevators – one didn’t work and one was working, but there was a long line. This was a holiday, so that’s why I didn’t – there was just a lot of people there. And I was like, all right. After seven minutes standing in this queue for getting in the elevator, I was like, I’m just gonna take the stairs. So I took the stroller with my – she’s probably 25 pounds at this point – and the diaper bag, and I just lifted it and walked the stairs.

Megan Gill: Hell yeah.

Cornelia Hanes: I loved being able to do that. I was like I got this. I’m just gonna carry all of this. And then as I got to where I was going, I met a woman who had two toddlers, and she saw me and she just nodded her head and she’s like, “Hell yeah, strong mom.” And I was like, Ugh. I love the mom community of just…

Megan Gill: Ah, that makes me emotional.

Cornelia Hanes: But I was like, I love that she saw that and recognized that, and she’s probably been there herself.

And also, with my my short film, Anaconda, I think I’ve always just been passionate about embracing being perfectly imperfect. And I love seeing women on screen that are messy and just real and raw, and I’ve always tried to mimic that with my filmmaking and my comedy. And so, I think that’s the underlying theme of my adult life, that I just want, any way I can, to make other women feel good in the skin they’re in but also feel empowered and strong from the inside out is really a passion of mine. And if I can help women feel even a little bit better in that sense, that’s just something I love being able to do and feel so passionate about.

But I will say even, Anaconda is on Omeleto now, and when we released it to the world, and – you know this – it’s a little daunting releasing a film into the world. And don’t know what I was thinking with the outfits I was wearing in that short, I don’t know. But for some reason, I’m choosing this crop top, and it’s making my shoulders look even wider. And I could tell that came up for me again. It hasn’t really been a thought for a long time. I’ve embraced my athletic body. But there were some comments like, oh, she looks like a dude, or that’s a man or whatever. And my stomach was just like – first it was like, what? And then I just started laughing. I was like that’s very inaccurate, but still, comments like that still –

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Cornelia Hanes: – sent me back to my teenage self when I was not feeling good in my body and being so self-conscious about that. Now I can look at that and laugh, but in that moment I was like, oh, wow, that was triggering for me.

Megan Gill: Yeah. Oh my god, it makes so much sense. It’s like these traumas, if you will, body traumas, body image traumas never leave us. And the things about ourselves that we are most insecure about are always going to be there, right, no matter how much work we do. But it’s like, of course, I think we have to – and not that you’re not giving yourself grace, but overarchingly, I think that us women need to give ourselves grace for feeling those things and for having insecurities because of course you felt the way you did in a culture that is obsessed with women that are skinny but not too skinny, but also have a curvy butt and also have big boobs. It’s like nobody – we can’t ever win.

Cornelia Hanes: Yeah.

Megan Gill: My insecurities of having my belly pooch, that is not culturally seen as attractive in a similar sense as being super thin and tall with broad shoulders isn’t necessarily seen as the “ideal.” So it’s like, of course, we are feeling these things, which I think is just important to point out that there is a reason for us to feel like we are not – these parts of ourselves that we’re insecure about are never going to be good enough or accepted or all of that, all of that stuff, all of that noise.

Especially as an actor too, because, god, don’t worry, the same experience happens for me as well, or a similar experience of seeing myself on camera and being like – judging my body.

Cornelia Hanes: Yeah.

Megan Gill: And granted, my first film was about body image, so that was such a freeing experience to be like – I remember when I was in pre-production for that project, I was like, “It’s okay. I can eat whatever I want. My body can be however it’s gonna be,” and I’ve carried that forward with me.

I do not do the thing of, “Oh, before I’m shooting a film –,” I shot a short film last weekend, and I had a donut on the last day of filming, and I’m not doing this psycho no sugar, no this, no that, which I understand for some people that works and that’s okay, but for me, that’s not a way to live. I’m like, yes, I want to be eating my vegetables, but I’m also allowed to have a fucking donut on the same day that I’m shooting a film.

Cornelia Hanes: Of course you are! You get a donut! You get a donut! Everybody gets a donut!

Megan Gill: Everybody gets a donut! But yeah, god, it’s like tenfold as an actor. And like even shooting in your own project where you’re like, oh, I had control over what I was wearing. And then I can only imagine reading those types of comments from people. Ugh, it’s like why do they think the way they think? Because they also exist in the same culture that we exist in, which is the reason that we are judging these parts of our bodies in the first place.

Cornelia Hanes: Yeah.

Megan Gill: Oh, god.

Cornelia Hanes: And maybe that little voice will always be there, but like you said, how can you give it grace and how can you just shine light on it and be like that’s not necessarily true anymore. You don’t have to buy into that, and you can change the narrative. I’m curious, after Broadway Body, how was the response? Did you read comments? How did you feel with people’s feedback on the film?

Megan Gill: I was very self-conscious throughout a lot of the process because my body, though curvier, though on like the curvier side of an average body, if you wanna even say that, I’m still very straight sized.

Cornelia Hanes: What is an average body? I don’t know.

Megan Gill: I don’t fucking know.

Cornelia Hanes: What is that? Sorry to interrupt you, but…

Megan Gill: No, you’re fine! You’re fine. When I say it, I’m thinking culturally speaking, what the “ideal” is.

Cornelia Hanes: The magazines, the…

Megan Gill: What’s pushed in media as being a “good” body to have, which what the fuck is that even? I don’t agree with that.

Cornelia Hanes: Magazines? What am I, from the nineties? Media is a better way to it. What we see in the media.

Megan Gill: No, I love it. I get it. I knew what you meant. I knew what you meant! But I remember just feeling like I – I was feeling insecure because I felt like my body was too small to be the one telling this story.

Cornelia Hanes: Oh.

Megan Gill: And I think that’s something that has still stayed with me. Though I’ve worked through it because, listen, I have a body image story just as you have a body image story, just as anybody in any shape and size and color of body has a body image story. So why can I not be the one to tell this story?

I’ve heard nothing but great feedback. Granted, the film is not on a big platform like Omeleto, so it’s not – I don’t even think it’s on YouTube. I think it’s on Vimeo, so it’s not really in a public space at the moment to have a bunch of eyes and a bunch of people, random people, commenting on it. But I am very grateful that I didn’t hear certain things and granted like the comments that you were hearing about your body in your film, if people were making those comments to me about my body in a film about body image, that would be wild. But also – yeah, I don’t know.

Cornelia Hanes: Yeah, and I think it’s also like why am I paying attention to these few comments, maybe it was like three, instead of the response of, “Oh, this is so funny!” “Oh, I relate to this.” “Oh, this is such a fresh take.” “Oh, I love the characters. It’s so interesting.” Also, why do our minds go to the negative instead of embracing all the positive and being like, “That’s not true,” or whatever, “Fuck you.” So it’s just an interesting – I try to always zoom out a little bit and be like, “Okay, what’s happening here?” Or, “Why do I pay attention to this and not that?” Or, “Why do I give this more brain power than the message, which is embracing and just being imperfect and being messy and just being real. And that’s much more relatable, I think.

Megan Gill: Do you wanna share a little bit about Anaconda?

Cornelia Hanes: Sure!

Megan Gill: For context and to just talk about your work?

Cornelia Hanes: Yes, yes! That’s probably helpful.

Megan Gill: Oh, you’re fine! I should have asked you earlier!

Cornelia Hanes: So Anaconda is a comedic short about a group of friends that go on a road trip to Burning Man. But they don’t quite make it there, so they have to stop in Reno, and there’s only one hotel room left, so they all have to share. And in the middle of the night, there are some things that happen and they take place in a bathroom. And I’m not gonna say anything more than that.

Megan Gill: We’ll link to it. We’ll link to it!

Cornelia Hanes: Yeah, but I feel like, with Anaconda, I felt encouraged to portray a more accurate reflection of life maybe than people really share even in person, or definitely not on screen. And so, we try to showcase, female characters aren’t afraid to be messy and, in turn, challenge the modern concept of our beauty standards in a silly, fun way.

So like I said, it’s about embracing your imperfections. It’s realizing that being imperfect can be pretty attractive. And I just love when I see films that have characters that are real and raw and vulnerable and messy and not pretty and not put together. So I really try to mimic that with my own filmmaking and my comedy, and I love playing characters like that. So it was a lot of fun. Again, it’s very silly. Whenever someone’s, “Oh, I wanna watch it!” I’m like drink a glass of wine, smoke a joint, or whatever is your vibe. And it’s not that serious. It’s meant to be a good time but also have an underlying message, which is cool too.

Megan Gill: And imperfect is beautiful and imperfect is the antithesis of our cultural beauty standard and diet culture and all of these things that we are told that we should do and should be, because I’m right there with you. I think that it’s so important to be creating media that has something to say about that and is a comment or just an example of the type of stories and the type of people that I would like to see more of and that I think are just so needed. Which I also think is the way that you’re showing up with your work in the wellness industry as well, I think has a similar vibe, and I just think it’s such incredible work and so needed and so important today and such an important example that we are allowed to be imperfect and we are allowed to listen to our bodies and we are allowed to be strong.

Cornelia Hanes: Yes.

Megan Gill: And another thing that you said – sorry, I’m all over the place. There are so many things! The other thing you said about how you want to raise your daughter is something else I’d like to circle back to, because when you said that I was like, “Oh, absolutely. Of course.” Do you have anything else – I don’t really have a question around it, but I’m like, yeah, that’s such an important thing, everything that you’ve been through and everything that you’ve learned and are still learning, I’m sure, about how to teach others and lead by example to work to love your body and really take care of your body instead of making it about your body being an ornamental thing. I’m wondering if there’s anything else you’d like to share in terms of how you hope to raise your daughter or even – I know she’s eight months old, but like she’s eight months old. Babies are sponges, right? I’m just curious about that.

Cornelia Hanes: I love that question. And it’s fun because when I work with my clients – and I’m thinking about this one woman. She has two kids, and sometimes her oldest will interrupt the workout, but she always lets her, which I think is very cute. She’s like, “Wll right, join me! Now we’re doing this.” I know that some days she says, “Time is sacred for me. Go to your dad or go to your nanny,” or whatever. But the times she does bring her in, I’m like that is so awesome because, one, she sees you take time for yourself, she sees you lift weights, she sees you prioritize working out in your health and just being strong, and what a great role model you are for your daughter. And I’ve always said that to her. And now that I’m in that same boat, she is very much very aware at eight months. It’s very cute. She’s starting to – you can just tell that more is happening back there.

Megan Gill: The wheels are turning!

Cornelia Hanes: The wheels are turning! So the times where she’s woken up early for her nap and I’m in my workout, I just bring her. And it is so cute to see her watch me with joy, and she’s probably like, “What the hell are you doing? Why are you down on the ground? Why are you lifting that thing over your head?” But I think that’s definitely something I wanna keep doing. I just want to see her – I want for her to see me doing stuff like that, lifting heavy stuff and working out and taking care of my body and prioritizing that and not make that something that’s – honestly, it’s non-negotiable. It’s gonna be a non-negotiable, and it’s not about looking a certain way. It’s about feeling a certain way. And I hope that she will be into sports and be an athlete as well, but if she’s not, that’s also totally cool. But yeah, I’m definitely starting to think about even now, just making sure that I am living the way that I would do her justice, so that I make sure that my behaviors and my patterns are something that I want her to adapt and do as well down the line. And yeah, I think it’s they don’t do what you say they do what you do, right?

Megan Gill: Yeah.

Cornelia Hanes: It’s that, even now when she’s so young, I think it’s important to bring her into my world in that sense and be outdoors and go on hikes and just…

Megan Gill: Yeah, make walking your movement for the day.

Cornelia Hanes: Yeah!

Megan Gill: So important, yeah.

Cornelia Hanes: But I think that’ll probably come up more and more for me as she gets older. It’s still so new, all of it. But I think that’s just non-negotiable. It’s gonna be that we take care of our bodies, and how lucky we are to have a strong body that can take us places and that you can do things with. I guess just having a being grateful for the body you’re in and the things that it can do, more so than the way it looks.

Megan Gill: Absolutely 100%. And I just love the point about allowing the child to see mom working out and enjoying it and being joyful and having a good time with it, instead of maybe the way that we were raised where working out was a punishment to either how much you ate. It wasn’t this thing that was culturally seen as a non-negotiable.

Cornelia Hanes is a Swedish-born actor, award-winning filmmaker, and former elite swimmer based in Los Angeles. Her creative work often centers on sharp, relatable storytelling—most notably her comedic short film ANACONDA, which earned a feature in Forbes and distribution on Omeleto, YouTube’s premier platform for cinema. The film’s success is underscored by its impressive festival run, securing wins and nominations at 19 out of 30 festivals.

Off-screen, Cornelia is dedicated to empowering women through movement and wellness. As a National Academy of Sports Medicine certified Personal Trainer, Precision Nutrition certified nutritionist and a Girls Gone Strong certified pre- and postnatal coach, she helps career moms navigate their fitness journeys. Leveraging her background as an elite athlete, she is passionate about helping women feel their strongest, most confident selves during and after pregnancy.

Link to ANACONDA: Anaconda on Omeleto

Link to work with me in the fitness world:

https://corneliafitness.carrd.co/

IG @corneliahanes

A couple of notes to ensure this is a safe space for my guests to share their intimate and vulnerable body image stories in:

• It can be easy to feel alone on your journey of existing in a body. I welcome the connection and support of one another in this space through considerate and curious comments.

• These conversations are quite nuanced, complex, and oftentimes very vulnerable. Remember that everyone has their own body image story, and while someone else’s might look differently than yours, I encourage you to keep an open mind and stay empathetic.

• Thank you for being here. By sharing this type of content, my hope is to inspire personal reflection and cultural questioning. Thank you and supporting me in exploring the effects of our culture’s beauty norms and body standards on human beings existing in today’s world.

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Share A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations

While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your health providers.