It's So Hard to Walk The Talk
Practicing what I preach about body image isn't always easy.
Trigger Warning: in this essay I share about topics pertaining to weight gain, body changes, and body measurements. Please take care of yourselves as you listen and avoid if these topics might be triggering for you.
You probably didn’t even notice, but I have to admit that I took a week off from sharing a conversation. I hadn’t missed a week since starting the Continued Conversations series in January of 2025, and I reaaaaally didn’t want to break my streak now. But between travel and setbacks from not recording over the holidays, I just didn’t have something prepped and ready to go. So here I am, writing about how I took the opportunity of a week off from posting on here to challenge my perfectionism - in my work and in my body.
I’d just gotten back from a week-long trip to Colorado, where I spent a long weekend in Denver with one of my best gal pals (shoutout Carol), followed by a few days with my brother and his gf in Boulder. There was much eating, drinking, and carrying on, along with some movement intermixed in there as well. But for some reason, I was starting to feel fuller in my body. I could feel my jeans getting tighter and tighter, and I was feeling “off” in my body (probably because I was out of my usual routine).
When I got back home, I was feeling even more ~*OFF*~ and I was growing more and more frustrated. I, then, had a virtual fit model casting come through. I had to measure my body in a video for a potential client. (I know, super unhelpful to have to measure my body for my work - it’s not always mentally helpful i.e. in scenarios like this one.) This is something I’m used to because I do it so often and usually feel very neutral about it. But when the measurements I was getting were higher than I’ve been in a while, I started to spiral a bit. Like, a mini spiral.
I started to hyper-fixate on this ooofff feeling in my body, thinking my butt and thighs somehow grew overnight, which is just not humanly possible. And even if it did, why is that such a bad thing? Because my pants won’t fit anymore? (A very real frustration.)
Side note: how rude that our pants are such an indirect indicator of the size of our bodies. It’s not fair that we can slip on a pair of jeans, they’re feeling a bit tight, and now we have to do the mental gymnastics to talk ourselves off of a ledge.
I was experiencing dysmorphia like I hadn’t in a while. It felt like my brain was playing tricks on me, and I was searching for something, anything to confirm I was, in fact, not gaining inches.
I share this because it can be so hard to practice what I preach. But I’m not allowed to talk the talk if I can’t also walk it myself. I cannot be preaching self-love and body neutrality or finding things you actually like about your body if I’m over here mentally berating myself for enjoying my life, and in doing so, having a fluctuating body.
If someone approached me with a similar scenario to what I’ve been going through, I’d tell them it’s normal for their body to fluctuate and change. It’s only part of being a human being. I’d also validate their annoyance of having to potentially get new pants because I’d also challenge their fear of their body getting bigger and offer the idea that nourishment, movement, and feeling overall neutral-good inside of their body is what matters more than anything, and if all of those components are present in their life, to try not to spiral or overthink, and jsut stay present and embodied in their life.
SO. FREAKING. HARD. I know. I know, I know, I know.
But… the funny thing about perfecitonism is that challenging it in our lives helps us challenge it when it comes to our bodies.
In these times, it’s hard to stop the spiral, pull myself out of the dysmorphic spin, and remind myself I am ok, even if I might be gaining a few inches and might have to get bigger pants.
But I somehow managed.
I said okay, fine, I see you, inner perfectionist, but I will not let you derail me. I won’t let you win this one. I know why you’re here, but we don’t have to be so worried. There’s not an immediate threat to the system, I promise.. I won’t let a few pounds stop me from feeling joy in my current life, even if I’m not totally feeling the best in my body or about how it looks. The reality is that our bodies are imperfect - and accepting this is so much more freeing than fighting it.
In body healing,
Megan ❤️🔥
Do you have a friend, family member or peer who might love this too? I’d be honored if you could help me spread the word about my writing and body image conversations!
While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your healthcare providers.