Moving Through the Difficult Days

Reconnecting with the magical things your body can do instead of harping on what it can't.

A few weeks ago, I hit 500 classes at my yoga studio. My 500th class was one of the most challenging classes I’d had in a while. I was wobbly. I couldn’t balance as well as I’d have liked. I didn’t do every single movement in the class. All things that would have previously had me in my head talking shit to myself. But instead… all I could think was, “Wow, this is my five hundredth freaking class at this studio. How beautiful that I’m struggling through it. I’m totally allowed to be wobbly and fall out of poses. I’m allowed to not feel my strongest today. These are all normal aspects of being in a practice.”

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That following Monday, I went to an afternoon class. I wore leggings and a sports bra, which I kept obsessively adjusting in the mirror. When we were stretching at the end of class, I had a hard time looking at my body in the mirror. My soft tummy rolling out over my athetic wear. I kept wanting to pull my leggings up to hide my stomach.

What is it I’m so worried about? What is it I’m trying to hide by trapping the softness of my tummy against my body? Am I worried about what people will think? Am I worried people will look at my body and judge her? Why do I dislike the fact that I can visibly see my tummy rolls? If there wasn’t a mirror I could see my body in, would I be feeling these same feelings?

By the end of the class, I forced myself to sit cross-legged in front of the mirror, one hand on my belly, the other on my heart, and let my tummy breathe. I recognize the thoughts and feelings coming up for me around my appearance, and I try to practice radical acceptance in moments like these. I focus on my breath in hopes I can quiet my thinking mind and come back into my body.

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Since being 500 classes into my yoga practice, I’ve started to look for the magic that happens in each class as a way to remind myself how amazing my body is.

What’s amazing to me is how much stronger my arms have gotten. I’m able to hold myself in a chaturanga with my elbows at 90 degrees. It’s wild. Consistently showing up to slowly and steadily build strength that will carry me through my daily life. It took almost three years to get to this place, and it’s so cool to experience what 500+ hours of yoga has done to my muscle strength.

It’s also pretty amazing that I’m consistently moving my body in a heated room - that it has the capability to do physical activity as such high heats. I rarely stop to think about this aspect of the workout.

Another thing that’s wild to me about my body is how my hands and toes are what hold my body up when I’m in a plank. How is it possible? Sometimes I roll onto my two big toes, and it just blows my mind how these small nubbins are able to hold the weight of my body up in space. (Tbh, someone please explain to me how this is possible!)

Lastly, it’s pretty freaking amazing that, for the first time in my life, I can do the splits on both my right and left sides. At 33 years old. I’ve been working on this since starting my yoga journey, and it’s incredible to see the slow, consistent stretching pay off.

We all have our thing, right? What amazes me about my body will probably look so vastly different than what amazes you about your body. And how freaking cool is that? It’s just another reminder of how unique we all are in our bodies and in our experiences.

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Another thing that doesn’t cease to amaze me (about both my body and my mind) is how I keep showing up time and time again despite what I’m going through outside of class. This yoga studio has seen me through so many different phases of my life, through varying moods and energy levels. Allowing each class to be different is part of the gig. The reality of life is nothing is going to be perfect - not our bodies, not the way we show up to move them. We have no choice but to accept this.

Finding the good in our movement instead of defaulting to seeing the bad is necessary to have a healthy relationship to our moving bodies. The bad will always creep in, just like the difficult classes will happen. What I’m interested in is how we make giving ourselves grace our default response.

Showing up time and time and time again (to a space that is challenging and easy to be judgmental in) is a victory in and of itself. Have some self-compassion, and don’t forget to remind your brain how amazing your body is.

In body healing,

Megan ❤️‍🔥

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While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your healthcare providers.